Teenage daughter

My teenage daughter is being difficult.  Out of pure hostility she has emptied cleaning fluids on the floor, and toy beads over the stairs and has emptied shaving foam all over the bathroom door.  She won't clean up.  We, her parents, are powerless in that regard.  Now she has put her coat on and gone out.  Normally she's a house-body and hardly ever goes out.  Because it's in the middle of the day, I'm not worried.  I believe that she'll come back when things start getting difficult/scary - she doesn't like the dark.  She gives us the silent treatment, so it's hard to communicate with her.  If anybody has been through this kind of behaviour, I would appreciate any advice.  Unless you have, you couldn't understand how awful it is to have a teenager that is miserable most of the time, and so unreasonable.

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Jennifer,

    I think your problems are probably bigger than anything I can help with on this forum. I think you need help because you are clearly struggling and at breaking point. I think you need to find someone to talk to that can help you make some choices about what happens next. If your daughter and husband are both autistic then you probably need to find someone outside to help you see what choices you have. They will really struggle with understanding and talking about the emotional turmoil that you are going through.

    You are an adult and will always have some freedom to make choices between different paths into the future. You can choose whether or not to continue to fight your daughter. You can choose whether or not you put up with it any longer. You have a much greater choice in this than she or your husband do. They are far more obstinate and programmed to do the things they are doing. Your daughter is programmed to be a rebellious teenager. They are both programmed to have profound difficulty in detecting your emotions and being able to respond to them. 

    The one thing that I am sure about is that your current turmoil can be tackled, analysed and then improved by changing the way that you and your family are dealing with the things you have to deal with.

    I've been an autistic person growing up in a family (autistic father, NT mother) and I have also had children, of my own, one of whom left home for a while when we fell out and practically came to blows. I can see a lot of different points of view and I can see the difficulties you face but I can also see that better solutions can be found for moving forwards.

    If there is one word of this that you should remember it is choice. You have many opportunities to choose one path or another. Some choices will be mistakes but you should recognise that the freedom to make choices is always there.

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Jennifer,

    I think your problems are probably bigger than anything I can help with on this forum. I think you need help because you are clearly struggling and at breaking point. I think you need to find someone to talk to that can help you make some choices about what happens next. If your daughter and husband are both autistic then you probably need to find someone outside to help you see what choices you have. They will really struggle with understanding and talking about the emotional turmoil that you are going through.

    You are an adult and will always have some freedom to make choices between different paths into the future. You can choose whether or not to continue to fight your daughter. You can choose whether or not you put up with it any longer. You have a much greater choice in this than she or your husband do. They are far more obstinate and programmed to do the things they are doing. Your daughter is programmed to be a rebellious teenager. They are both programmed to have profound difficulty in detecting your emotions and being able to respond to them. 

    The one thing that I am sure about is that your current turmoil can be tackled, analysed and then improved by changing the way that you and your family are dealing with the things you have to deal with.

    I've been an autistic person growing up in a family (autistic father, NT mother) and I have also had children, of my own, one of whom left home for a while when we fell out and practically came to blows. I can see a lot of different points of view and I can see the difficulties you face but I can also see that better solutions can be found for moving forwards.

    If there is one word of this that you should remember it is choice. You have many opportunities to choose one path or another. Some choices will be mistakes but you should recognise that the freedom to make choices is always there.

Children
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