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Teenage daughter

JenniferTree

My teenage daughter is being difficult.  Out of pure hostility she has emptied cleaning fluids on the floor, and toy beads over the stairs and has emptied shaving foam all over the bathroom door.  She won't clean up.  We, her parents, are powerless in that regard.  Now she has put her coat on and gone out.  Normally she's a house-body and hardly ever goes out.  Because it's in the middle of the day, I'm not worried.  I believe that she'll come back when things start getting difficult/scary - she doesn't like the dark.  She gives us the silent treatment, so it's hard to communicate with her.  If anybody has been through this kind of behaviour, I would appreciate any advice.  Unless you have, you couldn't understand how awful it is to have a teenager that is miserable most of the time, and so unreasonable.

Parents

  • We live in a world where there are expectations and demands on us all;It would be foolish of me to let my daughter think that it will be okay to lie in bed all day and not go to school. This all happened because I wanted her to get out of bed and go to school;She's been missing one day of school per week for a month now, and I have had meetings at the school, with the g.p. and with socialworkers. As her mother, I am responsible for getting her to school, and trying to remind her to do homework;All she does, if she gets the chance, is listen to music all day long. I am the victim, because the consequences of her behaviour do mean that a) I have extra work (I could wait a year, and she still wouldn't tidy up the mess that she's caused.) and b) a lot of my time and energy is spent in these meetings. We were always very good at communicating before, so I thought that this was probably down to puberty. She had written a poem. It was rebellious in tone, but in perfect rhyme.  I told her that someone who was truly suffering wouldn't take the trouble to rhyme. It's like she's wallowing in some pit of teenage self-pity. It's so unfair: it makes no sense whatsoever. I am there for her: I'm a stay at home mum who does my best to keep things stress free for everyone (which isn't easy because my husband is probably an undiagnosed autistic person)  I've learnt to have a lot of patience, and I've learnt to not put pressure on her. My whole parenting style has been very different from the one I had. My daughter has/had a close bond with me, one that I didn't have with my late parents (who I loved dearly but they both worked and I didn't share an intimacy with them as a child, that I have with my own children.) I've confiscated my daughter's phone and computer and told her that she'll get them back when she's cleared the beads from the stairs and tidied her room.  I almost wish that I could escape. Emigrate and leave the whole family behind to fend for themselves. I'm really tired of always being the flexible one who's got to be understanding, knowing that there's always going to be a lack of reciprocity towards me.  I especially don't understand because when I was 10 my own mum died, and I know how truly hard life is when that happens.  What has changed for my daughter to make her so miserable and nasty towards the people who love her the most?

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  • We live in a world where there are expectations and demands on us all;It would be foolish of me to let my daughter think that it will be okay to lie in bed all day and not go to school. This all happened because I wanted her to get out of bed and go to school;She's been missing one day of school per week for a month now, and I have had meetings at the school, with the g.p. and with socialworkers. As her mother, I am responsible for getting her to school, and trying to remind her to do homework;All she does, if she gets the chance, is listen to music all day long. I am the victim, because the consequences of her behaviour do mean that a) I have extra work (I could wait a year, and she still wouldn't tidy up the mess that she's caused.) and b) a lot of my time and energy is spent in these meetings. We were always very good at communicating before, so I thought that this was probably down to puberty. She had written a poem. It was rebellious in tone, but in perfect rhyme.  I told her that someone who was truly suffering wouldn't take the trouble to rhyme. It's like she's wallowing in some pit of teenage self-pity. It's so unfair: it makes no sense whatsoever. I am there for her: I'm a stay at home mum who does my best to keep things stress free for everyone (which isn't easy because my husband is probably an undiagnosed autistic person)  I've learnt to have a lot of patience, and I've learnt to not put pressure on her. My whole parenting style has been very different from the one I had. My daughter has/had a close bond with me, one that I didn't have with my late parents (who I loved dearly but they both worked and I didn't share an intimacy with them as a child, that I have with my own children.) I've confiscated my daughter's phone and computer and told her that she'll get them back when she's cleared the beads from the stairs and tidied her room.  I almost wish that I could escape. Emigrate and leave the whole family behind to fend for themselves. I'm really tired of always being the flexible one who's got to be understanding, knowing that there's always going to be a lack of reciprocity towards me.  I especially don't understand because when I was 10 my own mum died, and I know how truly hard life is when that happens.  What has changed for my daughter to make her so miserable and nasty towards the people who love her the most?

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