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advice please xx

SamF

Hi,

I dont know why but my son who will be 17 on monday has asked to go to a rock club in glasgow that is for under 18's. He has been asked by a friend from school who has been good with my son for most of secondary school but hasnt been in touch since July and this offer came because my son asked him over on sat for his birthday, as he had plans with a group of friends to go to glasgow he asked my son to go with him instead. Ive spoken to him myself and he has said he will take him (by train) and keep an eye on him there, and bring him home after. (It finishes at 9 so its not a late night) he is nearly 17 and he needs his independance from me I do understand that. So I have said yes.

It sounds all good but im a nervous wreck, let me explain. My son has AS,Dyspraxia and hypotonia. He could never handle school discos, doesnt like crowds, at college he doesnt even go into the canteen as its too busy for him! he eats a packed lunch in a sitting area close to his classrooms. He gets anxiety issues when plans change or people come to the house, He cant sit comfortably in his grans if there are more than afew people there, He gets lost in places he knows. He has to know where I am and what Im doing all the time, even when he is not going to be here.

So why would he want to go by train (never been on the train to glasgow before, its been years since he has been on a train) to a busy city on a sat the week before xmas to go to a busy and loud club he has never been to before. I dont get it at all! Yes he wants to see his old school friends as he has moved on to college while they stayed on to 6th year. But why would he want to do something that he knows he isnt going to like at all. He says he wants to try and he doesnt know for sure he wont like it till he trys. He sees each indivdual thing a seperate and doesnt understand why im comparing it to school/college things.

Ive made sure he had credit on his phone and made him promise he wont leave the building without his friend or me if he phones for help, but it will take me 45 mins to get to him so if he panicks we could be searching glasgow for him.Ive googled the place and checked out where it is and that it is under 18's only problem is theres no wheelchair access so he cant take his chair so he has to walk, his pal says there is loads of seats there and its a 2min walk from station. Im driving him to my local station and picking him up from it.

I know I have to give him his independance, any advice from parents on how they handled the steps to adulthood and independance please help me. Am i right to let him go.

So sorry for long post, thanks for reading a silly mum in a panic.

x

  • Really pleased to hear this went smoothly. Hopefully it will herald some benefits and you can have some confidence in at least one friend who can look after him when travelling.

    I've noticed with students on the spectrum, and others I've come across, late teens/early twenties is less affected by the peer aggression of school, and the anxiety blocks loosen up a bit.

    I grew up on the south side of Glasgow. My AS (I'm constantly being reminded on here that I'm a borderline case that slipped through due to lax NHS diagnosis!) had a reverse effect on travel. I need a plan for long journeys but I was getting around a lot on my own from an early age. At 11 I was sent to a school the other side of Glasgow, and it extended my primary school inclination to wander and explore (and get lost).

    Glasgow to me is fascinating. There are some dodgy places I strayed into, but it is just such a wonderful city to explore.

  • Hi,

    Thanks for thoese ideas I will look into the gps. Well he is home safe and sound, no major problems. He said he did have a good time but wasnt in a hurry to go again. Im glad he has managed it as it gives me a bit of hope for a more independant future than I thought we were heading for.

    Thanks again

    sam

    x

  • There are specialist mobile phones with this device, similar to those developed for the elderly. Several parents groups support this including I believe Autish Concern in Northamptonshire. It might be worth visiting their website.

  • hi- this might be an idea to help ease the anxiety you may feel as i am concidering purchasing this[though emotioanally wont help your nerves]

    its a tracking device thats related to gps -its cost around £160. from a company called fledglings. that supplies items for children with special needs.

    my son is only ten and wants to 'hang around' the local shops with kids fromschool, i dont allow it as its the others i dont trust more so than than the niaviety my son has- as these so called friends only use him,but because my son feels left out and feels the need to be with them some times it breaks my heart 

  • Hi longman,

    Thanks for your responce, I think the idea of emegency funds is a good one and I do understand what you mean about the differences between clubs and school discos. He is carrying his autism alert card but like you I dont think the police would be to helpfull.

    Ive since spoken some more to him and made him swear he will stay in the building and not leave without his friend, and to phone as soon as he has had enough and I will go get him.

    I want him to be able to go out and experience life and all it has to offer but the worry is enormus but t the same time i am proud of him for wanting to try, hopefully he knows im here for him and i trust him to call if he needs me (although its more likely his friend will call if im needed)

    thanks again

    Sam

    x

  • It sounds like you've got to trust his friend, who knows the situation, but I can understand your concern.

    Noise is strange. I can feel really disconnected at a party, if I'm mad enough to go in the first place, but a noisy club, provided there's some relative quiet to retreat to, is bearable.

    The difference is that it is solid noise. You cannot hear anyone speak. It's too dark and shadowy to make much sense of movement (unless there are strobes or flashing light). 

    I don't know what school discos are like - my image is of supervised dancing space, a regulated noise limit, and too much health-and-safety means well lit. In that sort of environment conflicting sound and movement could be difficult to handle.

    I think you've just got to plan for any circumstances and hope it all goes smoothly. Is there any point to sewing coins into his pocket as emergency funds?  It's a pity you cannot give him the address of the nearest police station if he got into difficulty, but knowing the police, their understanding of autism is likely to be neanderthal (especially dare I say it in Glasgow - I was born in Partick - but let's face it they're not the brightest plods).

    It might be worth checking out the surroundings to warn him about any places to avoid. I guess it is just fingers crossed. Who knows it may be a step forwards.

    Hopefully someone else will give you some better placed advice meantime, I was worried you'd posted 12 hours ago.