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Will special school make my son resent me later?

ProudMummy1510

Hi,

I have a 6 year old ASD son who up until now has been in mainstream with a support worker (via a statement).

Before starting school my preference was for special school but due to funding and the fact that my son is academically bright, I was pressurised into at least trying mainstream.

We're now in Y1 and things have taken a turn for the worse. He's struggling with some of the less tangible concepts and the pressure of learning is making him tearful. He's also been complaining about the noise. 

The school have been great but as a mainstream setting, there's only so much they can do. They think he won't be able to manage mainstream for more than another year or so at most, given his current difficulties.

I'm so torn about what to do. His classmates are really accepting and understanding and although he doesn't really understand friendship or playing with other children yet, he loves being in their company and just running around the playground with them. He's also bonded with his support worker. 

His diagnosis wasn't Aspergers so he doesn't seem to have the insight or awareness that goes along with that form of ASD, but obviously the future is very much a blank canvas. I don't know what he will ultimately be capable of, or how independent he will be.

Ironically, after really wanting to go to special school, I'm now worried about robbing him of the opportunity to experience a "normal" schooling and with all that entails.

Can anyone here give me any insights on how their older child felt about going to a special school, or whether any individuals who went through it themselves could let me know their thoughts? I appreciate everyone is different :)

Thanks

Parents

  • Although I am new to the forums, and this is my first post, I just want to let you know ProudMummy that all your son needs to know is that he is loved and appreciated, and that you always try to do your best by him.

    My son is currently in mainstream school as a result of being 'academically bright', but as he is now in secondary school it is being used against him, staff dont understand him, and i would say that less than 1 in 10 staff members make any kind of effort to get to know him as an actual person. In early primary school he absolutely thrived, was popular with lots of other children and great with his numbers(phonics were another matter entirely though...) but even still, his ASD and ADD were picked up on right from the start.

    As he got older his personal quirks became more obvious, setting him aside from other children to some degree. He is one of the most caring children I know and this is a double edged blade that he is learning to deal with, the number of hours we have spent discussing other peoples behaviours makes me glad that I have been able to give him so much of my time and attention. It is just extremely frustrating that his current mainstream school are crushing so much time and effort due to lack of understanding.

    So, basically, what I am trying to get at is that some schools are better than others, primary schools generally seem better equipped to support ASD children(or maybe it's the easier communication with a primary school...?), secondary school is a whole other matter due to the number of people involved, but so long as your son knows you are on his side and will support and love him I don't think you need to worry about him resenting you for picking one school over another, particularly if he is getting the support he needs in school(which is as much the schools resposibility as anyone elses)

    Best wishes to all of you!

Reply

  • Although I am new to the forums, and this is my first post, I just want to let you know ProudMummy that all your son needs to know is that he is loved and appreciated, and that you always try to do your best by him.

    My son is currently in mainstream school as a result of being 'academically bright', but as he is now in secondary school it is being used against him, staff dont understand him, and i would say that less than 1 in 10 staff members make any kind of effort to get to know him as an actual person. In early primary school he absolutely thrived, was popular with lots of other children and great with his numbers(phonics were another matter entirely though...) but even still, his ASD and ADD were picked up on right from the start.

    As he got older his personal quirks became more obvious, setting him aside from other children to some degree. He is one of the most caring children I know and this is a double edged blade that he is learning to deal with, the number of hours we have spent discussing other peoples behaviours makes me glad that I have been able to give him so much of my time and attention. It is just extremely frustrating that his current mainstream school are crushing so much time and effort due to lack of understanding.

    So, basically, what I am trying to get at is that some schools are better than others, primary schools generally seem better equipped to support ASD children(or maybe it's the easier communication with a primary school...?), secondary school is a whole other matter due to the number of people involved, but so long as your son knows you are on his side and will support and love him I don't think you need to worry about him resenting you for picking one school over another, particularly if he is getting the support he needs in school(which is as much the schools resposibility as anyone elses)

    Best wishes to all of you!

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