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Will special school make my son resent me later?

ProudMummy1510

Hi,

I have a 6 year old ASD son who up until now has been in mainstream with a support worker (via a statement).

Before starting school my preference was for special school but due to funding and the fact that my son is academically bright, I was pressurised into at least trying mainstream.

We're now in Y1 and things have taken a turn for the worse. He's struggling with some of the less tangible concepts and the pressure of learning is making him tearful. He's also been complaining about the noise. 

The school have been great but as a mainstream setting, there's only so much they can do. They think he won't be able to manage mainstream for more than another year or so at most, given his current difficulties.

I'm so torn about what to do. His classmates are really accepting and understanding and although he doesn't really understand friendship or playing with other children yet, he loves being in their company and just running around the playground with them. He's also bonded with his support worker. 

His diagnosis wasn't Aspergers so he doesn't seem to have the insight or awareness that goes along with that form of ASD, but obviously the future is very much a blank canvas. I don't know what he will ultimately be capable of, or how independent he will be.

Ironically, after really wanting to go to special school, I'm now worried about robbing him of the opportunity to experience a "normal" schooling and with all that entails.

Can anyone here give me any insights on how their older child felt about going to a special school, or whether any individuals who went through it themselves could let me know their thoughts? I appreciate everyone is different :)

Thanks

Parents

  • Hi Electra and Classic Codger - thank you so much for both taking the time to provide me with such honest and candid opinions. It's very much appreciated.

    I'm aware Aspergers has been removed from DSM IV, but everyone I've spoken to seems to be ignoring that fact! Health professionals included! Before we went to mainstream, the SENCO told me that only "Asperger-type" autistic children tended to manage to get through the whole of mainstream school.........

    I never wanted my son in mainstream, I felt that being in a more specialised environment would be better for him. The specialist agencies who were supposed to be providing us with expert advice insisted that I would be ruining his future and limiting his options if I sent him to special school.

    I have an instinctive understanding with my son, we have an extremely close bond, and I should have trusted my gut instinct back then.

    I have an appointment to go and look round a special school next week - I can see how much effort he is having to expend just to get through a regular day at mainstream school. If I had to do that every day, I'd be exhausted and cranky too. 

    My son is extremely passive and desperate to please. And Classic Codger, it's exactly what you said - teachers don't see past the exterior to what's really going on. 

    It's not at crisis point yet, far from it, but I want to intervene before it gets to that point.

    Over the last few days it's become clear to me what the right thing to do is. Unfortunately no Steiner options near us.

    Thanks again for your opinions - very much appreciated.

Reply

  • Hi Electra and Classic Codger - thank you so much for both taking the time to provide me with such honest and candid opinions. It's very much appreciated.

    I'm aware Aspergers has been removed from DSM IV, but everyone I've spoken to seems to be ignoring that fact! Health professionals included! Before we went to mainstream, the SENCO told me that only "Asperger-type" autistic children tended to manage to get through the whole of mainstream school.........

    I never wanted my son in mainstream, I felt that being in a more specialised environment would be better for him. The specialist agencies who were supposed to be providing us with expert advice insisted that I would be ruining his future and limiting his options if I sent him to special school.

    I have an instinctive understanding with my son, we have an extremely close bond, and I should have trusted my gut instinct back then.

    I have an appointment to go and look round a special school next week - I can see how much effort he is having to expend just to get through a regular day at mainstream school. If I had to do that every day, I'd be exhausted and cranky too. 

    My son is extremely passive and desperate to please. And Classic Codger, it's exactly what you said - teachers don't see past the exterior to what's really going on. 

    It's not at crisis point yet, far from it, but I want to intervene before it gets to that point.

    Over the last few days it's become clear to me what the right thing to do is. Unfortunately no Steiner options near us.

    Thanks again for your opinions - very much appreciated.

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