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newly diagnosed 4 yr old not sure wherever to treat her differently

shaki

My daughter has been diagnosed high functioning asd very recently and I'm not sure how to go forward. In some respects I've felt relief that maybe I can use this diagnosis as an excuse for having found motherhood so hard. I really struggle with patience at times...for example when I've tried five times to put her socks on and still not got it right. I've at times nearly felt destroyed as I'm so exhausted by her demands. However I fear I should maybe be more tolerant as she has been given a reason for her behaviour. I think people already feel I'm too soft on her. I need coping strategies I think. Anyone able to point me in the right direction? In floods of tears trying to type this! Thank you in advance.  Also I'm worried if I change to much to allow for asd I'm taking her further away from "normality" and just want to to fit in. Her main problem is with social skills. 

  • I completely empathise where you are at, I have a 3 1/2 year old son, we are waiting for a diagnosis. From my experience over the last few months I think it's best to remember that you know your daughter better than anyone else. Your instinct is so powerful. It is a shock but try to do things that she enjoys as seeing her happy will lift your spirits. She's the same little girl as before the diagnosis. I have found that allowing my son time to himself is very important. He gets stressed with too much socialisation. If you ever do play dates etc keep them structured and short. I have found there is a lot of support out there, especially from parents who have been through this, and there are incredible success stories. Never under estimate her either!

  • Hi Shaki

    first I want to say please don't feel bad for anything you are feeling , my son was diagnosed at 4 , he's now 8 , so I know what you are going through. First it's a shock , then a relief , trying to find reasons etc etc. you have to ignore people's reactions and comments . It's very hard and in the early days I nearly came to blows a few times ha ha especially in supermarkets. 

    Yes treat her different as that's what she is but just go with it . But get all the help that's available early bird and early bird plus for older kids is great. You also get to meet other mums and dads in your area who are in exactly the same situation.( If she's at school you can take a member of staff with you on the course) Facebook groups are also good if you haven't joined them.

    socks....wow what can I say as we have had many explosions with socks lol. Seamless underwear . have a look online . I get socks from primark at the tills , they would probably be too big for your little girl but they are hung flat ...no shape to them if you know what I mean. And we get his boxers from m and s . 

    You need time for you , I know that's hard but even if it's an hour going to the shops etc do it , don't feel guilty . It will get better and easier . It's still hard don't get me wrong but it becomes normal and people are very ignorant , you just get used to it . 

    Big hugs and happy new year. 

    Kim

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Shaki,

    According to http://www.autism.org.uk/earlybirdplus ...

    EarlyBird Plus is for parents whose child has received a later diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and is aged 4-8 and in Early Years or Key Stage One provision.

    Have a look at that page and see if you can get onto that programme. It isn't an extension of Earlybird, it's a programme for older children.

  • Thanks. I 'll try the helpline which I didn't know about. Unfortunately the health visitor team are handing over to the school team so I won't get any early bird help it seems. Feel bit desserted.

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    There are training courses for parents of newly diagnosed children. Have a look at http://www.autism.org.uk/earlybird

    Perhaps this will help with strategies for dealing with her?

  • Hi shaki,

    Welcome to the Community! Smile I'm sorry that you are finding things diffcult at the moment. You may already be aware of these ideas but just thought I'd mention them in case they help you. We have a Parent to Parent telephone service where you can speak to someone who understands. This section of our website also has useful information for parents that may be helpful. We also have a helpline which can be phoned or emailed, the normal hours for this service resume on 4th January 2016.

    I hope that this helps you but if not please don't hesitate to contact us

    Sofie Mod