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ASD daughter being hit only daily basis in special unit

Hayleyc

Hi, I am new to the forum but would like to know people opinions and advise, & what you may do in the same situation.

My daughter has started a special unit within a mainstream school, she started mid September, the hitting and pulling of hair started as a very occasional occurrance and I was reassured by my daughters teacher that this is a settling period all children go through and use as an excuse to get out of school, I excepting this answer for then, but the hair pulling by 1 child in particular has become very very frequent, up to the extent of 6 separate occasions in 1 day!! Now another child has started to hit kick and pull my daughters hair, whether this other child is taken the lead of the hair pulling child I don't know, but I no longer except that this is settling in excuses. 

I have approach my daughters teacher on 2 separate occasions with my concern and although I totally appreciate that all the children in the unit have their particular difficulties, I do not believe that my daughter should contend with this every day. I have been told that the hair puller has 1-1 and they are doing all they can to sto this behaviour and they know that it's unacceptable but that MY DAUGHTER has to learn to except other children's difficulties!!. 

I have since been to see the school head mistress who said she hears what I am saying and takes it on board and will talk to the teacher with regards to every child in the unit getting the same learning opportunity!! This really wasn't what I was expecting to hear. As far as I  concerned if the child has 1-1 and unfortunately the occasion has arised that they haven't got there in time to stop my daughters hair from being pulled then they should be aware of how volatile that child's behaviour is that day and be more aware of her actions and patterns of behaviour leading upto it.

I was also like to add that my daughter is ASD Asperger's syndrome, has extreme difficulties in with sensory processing and is taking anti depressants for her severe anxiety. She went to a mainstream nursery and infant school and we struggled immensely to get her their everyday, it became obviously apparent that she had a difficulties of some sort. She finally was diagnosed in 2014 and on moving on to junior school her anxiety hit breaking point and she lasted only 12 hrs in school before the school declared they couldn't cope with her disruptive behaviour and we withdrew her from school. We had a go at home school for a full 15 months while fighting for a statement which she was awarded in july this year.

We find it extremely difficult to get her to school anyway without the fear of being hurt once she arrives there to contend with...I hate that my daughter is feeling unsafe at school. 

I totally understand that excluding the children who are hurting my daughter would not help the child in the slightest and it is also what I don't expect, but I also do not believe aenough is being done to stop this.

.any advise would be greatly appreciate.

Would you believe I was also told that the reason she has her hair pulled is because she doesn't have it tied back!!

Parents

  • Hiya Longman,

    thank you for your reply...ur answer is very interesting and could maybe explain the reason the other child has started to hit and pull my daughters hair(my daughter has even said that he does because the other child does) although I don't think that may be the case for the one other child that has done it since my daughters first day.  I have been told a couple of reason why she targets my daughter and only my daughter. 1. Because my daughter tends to wear her hair down (because of her sensory issues just as you said) it becomes a shiny beacon for the other girl.

    2. My daughter looks extremely like the girls older sister and that is the reason why she pulls it, for reasons in the girls passed that they can not go into.

    my daughter was actually told by her teacher that it is because she likes her hair and that she wants to BE my daughter!! My daughter is sxtremely high functioning and in turn is not silly and even exclaimed herself to me that that was not the truth and what the girl is doing is wrong. The girl doesnt just tug her hair either, she wraps her hand in it and hangs of my daughters hair and it take a couple of teachers to prize her hands out of her hair, the teacher has even stated that my daughter is over reacting. I don't think this is an over reaction especially for someone who finds anything to do with her hair extremely painful and upsetting.

    i don't mean to have no compassion for other ASD children as believe me I know how hard it is to have a child on the spectrum let alone a class full, but I also can't get to grips with that not enough is being done to stop the amount of times it occurs in one day. I leave my daughter very distressed each day at school, and have been told that if the hair pulling stops my daughter will just find another excuse to make fuss. So does that mean my daughter should continue to put up with this?

    I have I am afraid stated to the school this morning that if any hair pulling, kicking and punching from those two other children occur than my daughter will not be returning to school until something more appropriate is being done to stop this and that I will be contacting the SENS team,although I do appreciat even in a NT class things happen to quickly to stop all the time but several time a day, I and my daughter  will not tolerate. Fortunetly on picking my daughter up today nothing had happened which I am happy about, but has it took my threat for the teachers to be more aware? 

    i am of course sorry to hear that you had a bad time at school, and it's people like you that speak out and make it possible for the NT to understand the difficulties that people on the spectrum have to deal with on a second to second basis, thank you

Reply

  • Hiya Longman,

    thank you for your reply...ur answer is very interesting and could maybe explain the reason the other child has started to hit and pull my daughters hair(my daughter has even said that he does because the other child does) although I don't think that may be the case for the one other child that has done it since my daughters first day.  I have been told a couple of reason why she targets my daughter and only my daughter. 1. Because my daughter tends to wear her hair down (because of her sensory issues just as you said) it becomes a shiny beacon for the other girl.

    2. My daughter looks extremely like the girls older sister and that is the reason why she pulls it, for reasons in the girls passed that they can not go into.

    my daughter was actually told by her teacher that it is because she likes her hair and that she wants to BE my daughter!! My daughter is sxtremely high functioning and in turn is not silly and even exclaimed herself to me that that was not the truth and what the girl is doing is wrong. The girl doesnt just tug her hair either, she wraps her hand in it and hangs of my daughters hair and it take a couple of teachers to prize her hands out of her hair, the teacher has even stated that my daughter is over reacting. I don't think this is an over reaction especially for someone who finds anything to do with her hair extremely painful and upsetting.

    i don't mean to have no compassion for other ASD children as believe me I know how hard it is to have a child on the spectrum let alone a class full, but I also can't get to grips with that not enough is being done to stop the amount of times it occurs in one day. I leave my daughter very distressed each day at school, and have been told that if the hair pulling stops my daughter will just find another excuse to make fuss. So does that mean my daughter should continue to put up with this?

    I have I am afraid stated to the school this morning that if any hair pulling, kicking and punching from those two other children occur than my daughter will not be returning to school until something more appropriate is being done to stop this and that I will be contacting the SENS team,although I do appreciat even in a NT class things happen to quickly to stop all the time but several time a day, I and my daughter  will not tolerate. Fortunetly on picking my daughter up today nothing had happened which I am happy about, but has it took my threat for the teachers to be more aware? 

    i am of course sorry to hear that you had a bad time at school, and it's people like you that speak out and make it possible for the NT to understand the difficulties that people on the spectrum have to deal with on a second to second basis, thank you

Children
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