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ASD daughter being hit only daily basis in special unit

Hayleyc

Hi, I am new to the forum but would like to know people opinions and advise, & what you may do in the same situation.

My daughter has started a special unit within a mainstream school, she started mid September, the hitting and pulling of hair started as a very occasional occurrance and I was reassured by my daughters teacher that this is a settling period all children go through and use as an excuse to get out of school, I excepting this answer for then, but the hair pulling by 1 child in particular has become very very frequent, up to the extent of 6 separate occasions in 1 day!! Now another child has started to hit kick and pull my daughters hair, whether this other child is taken the lead of the hair pulling child I don't know, but I no longer except that this is settling in excuses. 

I have approach my daughters teacher on 2 separate occasions with my concern and although I totally appreciate that all the children in the unit have their particular difficulties, I do not believe that my daughter should contend with this every day. I have been told that the hair puller has 1-1 and they are doing all they can to sto this behaviour and they know that it's unacceptable but that MY DAUGHTER has to learn to except other children's difficulties!!. 

I have since been to see the school head mistress who said she hears what I am saying and takes it on board and will talk to the teacher with regards to every child in the unit getting the same learning opportunity!! This really wasn't what I was expecting to hear. As far as I  concerned if the child has 1-1 and unfortunately the occasion has arised that they haven't got there in time to stop my daughters hair from being pulled then they should be aware of how volatile that child's behaviour is that day and be more aware of her actions and patterns of behaviour leading upto it.

I was also like to add that my daughter is ASD Asperger's syndrome, has extreme difficulties in with sensory processing and is taking anti depressants for her severe anxiety. She went to a mainstream nursery and infant school and we struggled immensely to get her their everyday, it became obviously apparent that she had a difficulties of some sort. She finally was diagnosed in 2014 and on moving on to junior school her anxiety hit breaking point and she lasted only 12 hrs in school before the school declared they couldn't cope with her disruptive behaviour and we withdrew her from school. We had a go at home school for a full 15 months while fighting for a statement which she was awarded in july this year.

We find it extremely difficult to get her to school anyway without the fear of being hurt once she arrives there to contend with...I hate that my daughter is feeling unsafe at school. 

I totally understand that excluding the children who are hurting my daughter would not help the child in the slightest and it is also what I don't expect, but I also do not believe aenough is being done to stop this.

.any advise would be greatly appreciate.

Would you believe I was also told that the reason she has her hair pulled is because she doesn't have it tied back!!

  • seing this post makes  very angry as I myself had to deal with the situation when my daughter had been punched in her stomach. And I was over and over asking myself where were the teachers?

    Lack of staff is no excuse for me when it comes to me  trust that my child will be in safe environment and well looked after.

    I have discussed the situation it's the staff members and if this will occur again I am just not leaving her there wether anyone agrees or does not agree with me... 

  • My child also suffers being bullied on a daily basis spoke to school and was told it was just banter but my child was pulled to the ground ,then he was stood on several times while on ground foot prints left on his clothes,gets called nasty names, the other day his beard was pulled out from under his chin where beard was now it's bald,my child told me the person that done it was told to stop doing it or he would not get to college.in my sons eyes nothing happened to bully as he gets told this all the time but continues to bully my child won't let me call school anymore as he gets a row if I call them from head master.my child is on meds for anger managment as he hits out at home if he's had a bad day ,but his anger is getting less now at home but he never hits out at school.any advice on this as I don't Ken what to do now

  • From what you have said I think you are doing the right thing in questioning this.  I can understand that occasionally things will go wrong with the best will in the world, but if your daughter is being assaulted several times a day and the school think that is acceptable I find that surprising.  It does not sound as though they lack the staff to deal with it if the child who is doing this has 1-1 support, so I would have a similar response to you.  I am not sure what the procedure is with children but can you raise it yourself as a safeguarding issue with the council or education authority if it continues?  I hope you are able to resolve the situation for your daughter.

  • Hiya Longman,

    thank you for your reply...ur answer is very interesting and could maybe explain the reason the other child has started to hit and pull my daughters hair(my daughter has even said that he does because the other child does) although I don't think that may be the case for the one other child that has done it since my daughters first day.  I have been told a couple of reason why she targets my daughter and only my daughter. 1. Because my daughter tends to wear her hair down (because of her sensory issues just as you said) it becomes a shiny beacon for the other girl.

    2. My daughter looks extremely like the girls older sister and that is the reason why she pulls it, for reasons in the girls passed that they can not go into.

    my daughter was actually told by her teacher that it is because she likes her hair and that she wants to BE my daughter!! My daughter is sxtremely high functioning and in turn is not silly and even exclaimed herself to me that that was not the truth and what the girl is doing is wrong. The girl doesnt just tug her hair either, she wraps her hand in it and hangs of my daughters hair and it take a couple of teachers to prize her hands out of her hair, the teacher has even stated that my daughter is over reacting. I don't think this is an over reaction especially for someone who finds anything to do with her hair extremely painful and upsetting.

    i don't mean to have no compassion for other ASD children as believe me I know how hard it is to have a child on the spectrum let alone a class full, but I also can't get to grips with that not enough is being done to stop the amount of times it occurs in one day. I leave my daughter very distressed each day at school, and have been told that if the hair pulling stops my daughter will just find another excuse to make fuss. So does that mean my daughter should continue to put up with this?

    I have I am afraid stated to the school this morning that if any hair pulling, kicking and punching from those two other children occur than my daughter will not be returning to school until something more appropriate is being done to stop this and that I will be contacting the SENS team,although I do appreciat even in a NT class things happen to quickly to stop all the time but several time a day, I and my daughter  will not tolerate. Fortunetly on picking my daughter up today nothing had happened which I am happy about, but has it took my threat for the teachers to be more aware? 

    i am of course sorry to hear that you had a bad time at school, and it's people like you that speak out and make it possible for the NT to understand the difficulties that people on the spectrum have to deal with on a second to second basis, thank you

  • If she is sensitive about her hair other children may be entertained by her reactions. Accepting this is a special needs school environment there may be other factors, and it cannot be so readily compared with a mainstream school.

    Hair can be a sensitive issue for children on the autistic spectrum who may find having it cut painful and distressing, and might also find the process of tying it back harsh. So for a special needs school to suggest she should have it tied back shows little comprehension of autism. Is this school really up to the job?

    However my own notions based partly on own experience are that the reason autistic kids get bullied a lot is that our reactions are entertaining to others.

    I am vulnerable to sudden or loud noises and complex sounds and visual complexities especially towards the edge of my field of view. So right through my schooldays others found it entertaining to crowd round from behind and clap, jostle, shout in my ear etc until I got upset and had a meltdown.

    I wonder therefore if other children have discovered that your daughter is very sensitive about her hair and reacts in an entertaining way.