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Not asking the right quesitons to 8 yr old son

littlemoo43

Hi

My son ishigh functioning autistic, and he has changed a lot recently since becoming 8 and starting year 3.

The school are being very supportive (as much as they are able since he has not been diagnosed and generally fits in ok most of the time.)

However I having a lot of problems at the childminders. I work and he goes to the childminder after school and in the holidays.

Recently he hs become very withdrawn, doesn't want to play with any of the toys that are out including things he would previously play with like lego and paper aeroplanes. He reads a book most of the time, then comes home and says he doesn't want to go back and it isn't 'fun'. This all leads to difficult behaviour which is difficult when the childinder is looking after a lot of children. He also doesn't play with much at home either apart form books, computer and TV.

I don't like him not being happy and have asked him what he would join in with and what he would find fun, but he can't tell me and i can't ask the right questions - i just don't know how to ask in such a way that he can give me an answer that's not 'i don't know' or 'i can't remember'

I don't know what to do, or who can help me in my local area (swindon), especailly until i can get a diagnosis.

Any suggestions on how to approach the questions to my son or how to find others who can help me would be really helpful.

Thank you

~Jo

  • Thanks both of you. 

    I have tried art a couple of times and he doesn't seem to want to engage with it. He likes talking so i guess i need to work out how to get him to talk in a way that tells me useful things.

    We are trying to be posirive and am trying things like taking his own toys.

    However since i posted he has got a lot happier at home and the childminder although school is still challenging. I think some of your theories KatJackKev might be might about year 3.

    Thanks again. 

    ~Jo

  • ^^That's a good idea! Also, what I do with my son (who would rather have teeth pulled than tell me about his day when questioned) is to tell him about my day, that sometimes opens up the conversation a little, don't know how but it seems to ease him into it. Maybe try that? Or draw with him, so you draw your day and he draws his? Maybe even (if he's into comic books) have him draw it like a comic book or write a story...

    I think year 3 is a tough transition. Schools start to put more pressure on their students to begin to 'grow up', I wonder if your son is responding to the change at school rather than anything at the child minders - perhaps he feels unsure of what is supposed to be fun now, or feels he must distance himself from the play there to be more grown up. It is a rollercoaster, and heartbreaking to think your child is unhappy. Remember though that this could be turned into a positive experience for your son, he is learning how to deal with a situation he isn't enjoying - suggest some strategies for him to make it fun, could he take one of his own toys or books? X

  • Have you tried asking questions through art?

    I am admittedly 47 with autism but when I really need to share something to a trusted person and find I have no words, I go home and draw a picture (badly) go back and he chats to me about the picture. Somehow then I share what I need to be saying.

    Whether you sit with him as he draws the picture and asks casual questions or whether he gives you the picture after he drawn it and you ask casual questions - about the picture, it may work for you? Keep the questions casual and about the picture and don't worry if he shrugs. that is a response.