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Is it me?

butty438

Hi all,

By way of introduction, I have a son just about to turn 18 and he was misdiagnosed for many years with what turned out to be Aspergers.  This actual diagnosis literally only happened 18 months ago.  He is a brilliant kid with a wicked sense of humour and clearly has a very high functioning ability.  His biggest issue however being, he point blank refuses to accept anyone else's opinion once he has fixated on what he believes to be the answer/solution.

I am estranged from his mother and after what was a very nasty divorce, I have had to build bridges with my boy.  I was for a while the anti-christ as my ex constantly bad-mouthed me and as much as he hates to admit it, this naturally had an effect on his opinion of me.  Knowing this isn't a divorcees rant forum, my biggest concern is what happened this week.

For his 18th he wants a birthday party at my house and we had been planning it and were very much looking forward to it.  In true Aspergers style, he had planned it to the n'th degree but when I questioned something, he went into a complete meltdown with the end product being he told me he never wants to see me again and we're finished.

There are two elements in play here: 1.  his mother lets him do whatever he wants for a peaceful life which I can fully understand as she has him 24/7 and I don't and 2.  as a parent, I don't believe he should get his own way so I am trying to add balance on this one.  Understandably, he sees this as me building walls to what he wants and the default setting of me being the anti-christ is resumed.

I am heart-broken as not a month ago he told me the second he leaves my house, all he can think about is coming back which made my heart lift.  So the question to you all is this:

Should I just give him what he wants if I want to see him or dig my heels in and teach him that life isn't that simple and sometimes you need to make compromises?

If it is possible, we were arguing by email and he literally comes back with the most complicated counter-arguments (one being him accusing me of trying to phsychologically impose my personality onto him) and as hard as I have tried to write a non-rant style email, he completely ignores what I say.

I explained that although he believes his logic wins any argument, even if he believes this, it doesn't make it the case.  I am at a loss and to be perfectly frank, I genuinely don't know what to do next and my heart is heavy because of this.  The party is now off and I am terrified as it is the 'big one' if he misses out on this plan he will never forgive me.

Any advice/guidance or a general slap round the back of the head would be greatly appreciated.

Parents

  • I will take the slap round the head thank you 4fatsausages!!!!

    I slept on the whole thing and although elements of his behaviour were unnaceptable and have been dealt with, I actually re-evaluated how I dealt with certain elements and came to the conclusion that as a military man, not everything is as black and white as dealing with subordinates in the Army (surprise surprise I hear you say)!!!!

    Sometimes I think I need to realise, not only does my son have Aspergers, he is actually still just a stroppy [removed by mod] teenager as well.

    Needless to say, we have kissed and made up, or should I say, we have started sending abusive messages again so all is well on this front.  I just needed a rant and thought there would be no better place to go than one full of people who 'get it'.

    I am however going to investigate help and assistance as this is relatively new to us all due to the misdiagnosis for so many years so I realise I need to know how to 'deal with "it"' alongside my own character traits and his 'teenager-ness'.

Reply

  • I will take the slap round the head thank you 4fatsausages!!!!

    I slept on the whole thing and although elements of his behaviour were unnaceptable and have been dealt with, I actually re-evaluated how I dealt with certain elements and came to the conclusion that as a military man, not everything is as black and white as dealing with subordinates in the Army (surprise surprise I hear you say)!!!!

    Sometimes I think I need to realise, not only does my son have Aspergers, he is actually still just a stroppy [removed by mod] teenager as well.

    Needless to say, we have kissed and made up, or should I say, we have started sending abusive messages again so all is well on this front.  I just needed a rant and thought there would be no better place to go than one full of people who 'get it'.

    I am however going to investigate help and assistance as this is relatively new to us all due to the misdiagnosis for so many years so I realise I need to know how to 'deal with "it"' alongside my own character traits and his 'teenager-ness'.

Children
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