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My 1st post

GlamMam

Sorry guys, it's likely to be a long one.

My 18 yr old son was diagnosed with Aspergers when he was 7. He has managed through school fairly well, got amazing grades at GCSE with a part time LSA allocated to him for the last 5 years of school (including 6th form). His A levels were a bit of a mish mash as the school couldnt accommodate him for the whole timetable so he had to do a course at night school too. He did fairly well at his A levels, enough to get into University to study Biology at degree level.

Before he was due to go to Uni I made all sorts of enquiries about getting him some independant living courses as he wanted to live in halls. Of course, as has happened all through his aspie life, we hit brick walls everywhere we turned. Once again, the social services refused to help us and the Uni can only provide funding for so much. He has a mentor and a study skills tutor.

I try and go to see a few times a week to make sure everything is okay (and of course to do the obligatory washing) but, things dont seem to be going to plan.

I had a phone call last week from the disabilty student support section to say that they are concerned for his well-being (although she didnt elaborate why) and i have just got back from seeing him, i have spent the last 2 hours crying my eyes out, because it seems he isnt coping very well. He has this tendency to say everything is 'fine' when it obviously isnt.

He needs more help than is currently being provided and i dont know where else to turn. If things carry on the way they are now, I cant even see him lasting the first year at Uni.

Any suggestions? Please!

 

Parents

  • One or two further points. I note re-reading that he is doing Biology so that cancels out some of my comments on subject.

    Is it just living independently that is the problem, or is it fitting in socially, or coursework? Or several or all of these?

    Although support may cover lectures and assessment there may be much less done re independent living and socialising.

    It is often the case that lecturers and academic tutors can only discuss things directly with the student. University is a contract with the student, so teaching staff usually cannot talk to parents. The options for disability support staff vary widely, and they may have restrictions on what they can tell you. If there are such barriers your son would have to give written consent for you to be involved.

    Academic staff may be limited in what they can do about social integration and lifestyle. They probably have to talk to the disability support team. They are not there  "in loco parentis" as applies to school-teachers. They often aren't trained in providing non-academic support.

    This is a current system weakness because the people your son will have most involvement with, after fellow students, are the academic tutors. Disability support staff may not be in the direct support loop, other than ensuring provisions are met and sending out basic guidelines to tutors. Disability support teams are often understaffed and overstretched.

    It would be useful to find out what training halls staff get - wardens and sub-wardens, non academic hall tutors (if any these days), bursars, hall managers, cleaning staff.

    Bizarrely, for someone having fitting in at work problems and so on, I was a hall of residence tutor for three years while doing my PhD. Halls often run largely through conduct contracts with the individual students. The "staff" may have a role limited to intervention only when property is being damaged, or mayhem let loose (drunkenness, rowdiness, late night parties). So your son may be having to fit in with a peer group that might not be suitable.

    You need to get a clearer puictutre of just what living conditions he is trying to contend with.

Reply

  • One or two further points. I note re-reading that he is doing Biology so that cancels out some of my comments on subject.

    Is it just living independently that is the problem, or is it fitting in socially, or coursework? Or several or all of these?

    Although support may cover lectures and assessment there may be much less done re independent living and socialising.

    It is often the case that lecturers and academic tutors can only discuss things directly with the student. University is a contract with the student, so teaching staff usually cannot talk to parents. The options for disability support staff vary widely, and they may have restrictions on what they can tell you. If there are such barriers your son would have to give written consent for you to be involved.

    Academic staff may be limited in what they can do about social integration and lifestyle. They probably have to talk to the disability support team. They are not there  "in loco parentis" as applies to school-teachers. They often aren't trained in providing non-academic support.

    This is a current system weakness because the people your son will have most involvement with, after fellow students, are the academic tutors. Disability support staff may not be in the direct support loop, other than ensuring provisions are met and sending out basic guidelines to tutors. Disability support teams are often understaffed and overstretched.

    It would be useful to find out what training halls staff get - wardens and sub-wardens, non academic hall tutors (if any these days), bursars, hall managers, cleaning staff.

    Bizarrely, for someone having fitting in at work problems and so on, I was a hall of residence tutor for three years while doing my PhD. Halls often run largely through conduct contracts with the individual students. The "staff" may have a role limited to intervention only when property is being damaged, or mayhem let loose (drunkenness, rowdiness, late night parties). So your son may be having to fit in with a peer group that might not be suitable.

    You need to get a clearer puictutre of just what living conditions he is trying to contend with.

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