My son is 13 and has been diagnosed with aspergers since he was 6. He is in mainstream school where he has a lot of support. A room he can go to if feeling overwhelmed. He has a pass to leave class early to avoid busy corridors. In some lessons he has a teacher with him one to one. However I have found in the past year that he is getting more and more upset and frustrated and it seems he feels he has to punish himself if he thinks he has done something wrong, even if to others he hasn't. This can be something simple such as not using an umbrella so he gets wet when walking home, to actually biting, hitting or scratching himself leaving bruises on his arms, face and forehead. I am at a complete loss of what to do and finding it very hard not to get angry at him. Then I hate myself for feeling this way. I just get so frustrated at not being able to understand and help him. I spoke to his consultant at the hospital about it and he didn't seem concerned, Was more concerned that my son was slightly above his recommended bmi!! Of course now my son has taken this as he is fat and now has serious self image issues. I have now changed consultant and the new one has refered him to CAHMS. The appointment isn't till August but I hate to see him like this and feel I am failing him. He's like a different lad when he is at home with me, so happy and loving. Please can anyone give me any advice as to how to handle this?
From what you are saying, I think it could be what other people say to him which may upset him. Perhaps someone has said something like "my mother would be angry/upset if I did that" and he now fears that you are not telling him what you really think or feel.
Or.....Taking things too litterally and discovering the world is full of lies. White lies, social lies. People with ASD take things litterally to a degree, and they tell the truth, even when it is inapropriate. He may now have discovered that NT people lie all the time for social reasons. EG I like your new haircut/dress/furnature; just to be polite. If he is sensing your frustration and underlying anxiety, perhaps he is misreading it as anger or disappointment with him, hence the need for punishment to clarify the situation. Perhaps he suspects your kindness and understanding are incincere. Maybe this applies to his teacher too.
I am 64 and still get caught out by social lies, humour, sarcasm. If someone says to me "I like your hat", I am still likely to tell them where they can get one the same, then kick myself mentally for taking it literally, 2 hours later. It is very confusing. Your son is just beginning to learn this. Maybe you could discuss this area with him and explain how you feel in more detail, so that he has no confusion about truth and social lies with you.
NT children learn this instinctively at quite a young age. ASD children do not, in fact ASD adults struggle with it. It is, I believe to do with body language and facial expressions and tone of voice etc. I am not sure, I am still trying to work it out.
It is tough when our children feel unhappy. It makes us unhappy. I do hope you can find a way through this soon.
From what you are saying, I think it could be what other people say to him which may upset him. Perhaps someone has said something like "my mother would be angry/upset if I did that" and he now fears that you are not telling him what you really think or feel.
Or.....Taking things too litterally and discovering the world is full of lies. White lies, social lies. People with ASD take things litterally to a degree, and they tell the truth, even when it is inapropriate. He may now have discovered that NT people lie all the time for social reasons. EG I like your new haircut/dress/furnature; just to be polite. If he is sensing your frustration and underlying anxiety, perhaps he is misreading it as anger or disappointment with him, hence the need for punishment to clarify the situation. Perhaps he suspects your kindness and understanding are incincere. Maybe this applies to his teacher too.
I am 64 and still get caught out by social lies, humour, sarcasm. If someone says to me "I like your hat", I am still likely to tell them where they can get one the same, then kick myself mentally for taking it literally, 2 hours later. It is very confusing. Your son is just beginning to learn this. Maybe you could discuss this area with him and explain how you feel in more detail, so that he has no confusion about truth and social lies with you.
NT children learn this instinctively at quite a young age. ASD children do not, in fact ASD adults struggle with it. It is, I believe to do with body language and facial expressions and tone of voice etc. I am not sure, I am still trying to work it out.
It is tough when our children feel unhappy. It makes us unhappy. I do hope you can find a way through this soon.
