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Judgement from other parents

zek1234

Hello New to group but been feeling so isolated needed to know if anyone else has same issues.

My child has had issues since 2 and now 5 and half his peadiatric doctor wishes to start multi agency assessment as suspected now that they have austic spectrum disorder.

This was hard to accept but it would explain the additional needs issues they have been having.

However what I am finding hard to deal with is the judgements from other parents in the playground. 

It started in nursery where I would get snide comments as I went through the gates to dirty looks and tuts as I went past to the point I had to see head teacher to ask for 2 children not to be on class with these children (with the support of their teacher who had observed it) that these children were being told to tell other children not go play with mine.

Things seemed to settle in reception and they did improve greatly but those comments keep coming and now parents who dont even have children in same year as mine getting involved.

An incident happened yesterday due to the school making a major change to routine and they couldn't cope. This meant that they had a meltdown and I had to hold them to stop them running off and hurting self. But all I got was comments of animal and monster to the click gathering for a look.

I came home and was in tears and still trying to calm down from that change to routine and noises (has sensory issues as well)

Does anyone know else have to deal with this and if so how do you get through with it? 

Parents

  • Hi

    I really feel for you - my son is now 15 and it took me a long time to develop a thick skin (actually it's still a work in progress!). The lack of  understanding and empathy from other parents is a very tough thing to bear, especially when what you want to do is help your child!

    I started out by trying to explain to people who didn't understand, so that they could. But I discovered that many if not most people do not want to listen / understand and what helped me get through it was to try not to take unhelpful / ignorant comments personally. This is very hard I know but it's important to protect your sanity by reminding yourself it's not your or your child's fault!   Other's lack of understanding and empathy is very much their problem - try not to let it become yours. Ignore if you can, and move away (physically and psychologically if you can!)

    I also found that I didn't owe it to anyone to explain - unless it would help my child. So when the lady at the Tescos local said to me - can't you control your son? I simply said  ' No. Perhaps you'd like to try?' It wasn't positive or a clever put down but it helped to shut her up, made me feel less out of control and more focussed on what I needed to do for my son. I've also used the NAS's 'this young person has autism card' - I hope they are still producing these as it politely asks people to be more tolerant and raises awareness in a positive way.

    The playground situation is tricky. I've been there many many times. Changing hearts and minds takes time. Would you be able to talk to the school SENCO - perhaps they could send out a general letter raising awareness about autism and thanking parents for being understanding?

    Some people will not want to understand or be tolerant, though. So it helps to steel yourself against this and try not to take their negativity on. 

    It's not easy being a person with autism! And it's not easy being a parent of a child with autism. It can be lonely and isolating for the primary carer who is always in the firing line!  The intolerance / ignorance of others can make it a very bruising. The single, most helpful thing was to meet other mums in similar situations (e.g. the local NAS branch meetings).  Try to remember that only those who have walked similar paths truly understand the journey you are on. The very best of luck to you.

Reply

  • Hi

    I really feel for you - my son is now 15 and it took me a long time to develop a thick skin (actually it's still a work in progress!). The lack of  understanding and empathy from other parents is a very tough thing to bear, especially when what you want to do is help your child!

    I started out by trying to explain to people who didn't understand, so that they could. But I discovered that many if not most people do not want to listen / understand and what helped me get through it was to try not to take unhelpful / ignorant comments personally. This is very hard I know but it's important to protect your sanity by reminding yourself it's not your or your child's fault!   Other's lack of understanding and empathy is very much their problem - try not to let it become yours. Ignore if you can, and move away (physically and psychologically if you can!)

    I also found that I didn't owe it to anyone to explain - unless it would help my child. So when the lady at the Tescos local said to me - can't you control your son? I simply said  ' No. Perhaps you'd like to try?' It wasn't positive or a clever put down but it helped to shut her up, made me feel less out of control and more focussed on what I needed to do for my son. I've also used the NAS's 'this young person has autism card' - I hope they are still producing these as it politely asks people to be more tolerant and raises awareness in a positive way.

    The playground situation is tricky. I've been there many many times. Changing hearts and minds takes time. Would you be able to talk to the school SENCO - perhaps they could send out a general letter raising awareness about autism and thanking parents for being understanding?

    Some people will not want to understand or be tolerant, though. So it helps to steel yourself against this and try not to take their negativity on. 

    It's not easy being a person with autism! And it's not easy being a parent of a child with autism. It can be lonely and isolating for the primary carer who is always in the firing line!  The intolerance / ignorance of others can make it a very bruising. The single, most helpful thing was to meet other mums in similar situations (e.g. the local NAS branch meetings).  Try to remember that only those who have walked similar paths truly understand the journey you are on. The very best of luck to you.

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