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Help - Concerned Parent Needs YOUR advice

Fransolo

Hi,

Firstly, thanks in advance for reading the following brain dump. I've never posted on ANY aspie forums before, but I really need some advice on my son's education, both specifically, but also generally...

My middle son Riley has a diagnosis of Aspergers, he's 7 now and he was diagnosed at 5 (no shock). He currently attends the same regular primary school as his older brother and younger sister. He is slightly above average intelligence-wise (based on testing at time of diagnosis) but at school, he's falling behind and is now BELOW the expected level for his age. He is having all of the expected problems of someone with his diagnosis (inability to learn in a noisy, chaoctic environment - as well as social issues, hitting, biting, using 'inappropriate hand gestures' - the latest!)

The school do what they can. In reception and year one, he managed to muddle through. However, the more structured the school day gets, the more he falls behind.  We have been meeting with his teachers regularly throughout and agreeing IBPs and IEPs, but instead of overcoming his problems, he's just adding new ones to the list.

During a visit to an NHS child psychologist about a year ago, we were encouraged to push for him to be statemented so that he would be entitled to extra help, but when we approached the school, they were against it. The process is lengthy and causes the school a lot of administrative and financial effort. Also, they have to agree that they cannot fulfill his educational needs (what school wants to admit that?).

Riley has started to say he doesn't want to go to school anymore, he's having numerous meltdowns a day and spends a lot of his schooltime on his own in the cloakrooms. He's 7! That's not good. He's also worse at home, but that might just be because he's getting older and his world is expanding.

There is an NAS 'free' school just arond the corner from us, but we cannot even consider it unless Riley gets his 'statement'. 

Is there anyone who has been in a similar situation to this? I don't know whether I'm being too pushy or not pushy enough. Should I just sit back and watch him get further and further behind his peers, education-wise, rather than rock the boat and cause the school difficulties? Do I just accept that he will do poorly academically wherever he goes to school and hope it doesn't have a profound effect on his quality of life in the future?

What is the 'right' thing to do? Did you have to push for a statement? has your kid's school been a help or a hindrance? Any advice, or experience would be truly, deeply appreciated.

Thanks

  • Hi

    My personal opinion is push for a statment, if there is a School that is more suited around the corner is this not the better option?

    The Child Psychologist is working for your child and the School for themselves,no matter how nice the Schools sound they are not experts.

    You Son at his age still has a chance for a statment and proper Schooling to make a big difference i would keep pushing, as far as siblings being in the same School this isn't always as good as it sounds, they're always in different classes, make there own Friendsand don't see each other.

    I was in the same School as my sister and never hardly seen or bothered with her, and regaurding your other kids the School have a duty of care and a duty to educate them.

    All the best and kind reguards Steven..

  • Thanks all, for your comments.

    I hadn't really considered just changing his school, but that could be an option. There is a local primary with some sort of ASD provision, so I might look into that.

    As for going forward with pushing for statementing - I was warned by our local SENco that if his school wasn't on the same 'side' as me, it would make the process even more difficult. Which is why I was reluctant to push for it without their support. I'm not afraid of making enemies, it's rather the fear of making a lengthy process even longer.

    If anyone has been through this siutation personally, I would love to hear from you.

    Thanks again!

    F

  • I've always new my 6 year old,was diff,but thought he'd grow out of it,when he started schllwhen he was five I'd struggle every day gettin him dressed hittin me getting him tere and back,but because he was so quiet and withdrawn at skool there didn't listen now he asnt been to skool for nearly a year and under diagnose of autism and just applied for statements,what I tryin to say you no your child and it sounds like he's struggling to cope the older he gettin if you don't speak up for him ,who else will,and then you will be in the same boat as me were there carnt get him there at all ,you go for it ,I wish I did xx good luck

  • Hello  Fransolo,

      Please don't be fobbed off by the Schools lack of interest. The likelyhood for your sons escalating behaviour is not probably due to the structure as he moves up the academic ladder, but as much to do with the fact that his needs are clearly not being met.

    As a parent, you are entittled to apply for a Statement yourself. The links below will help you, even down to model letters, to help you apply for an assessment of your sons needs. https://www.ipsea.org.uk/home

    Model letter

    www.ipsea.org.uk/.../model-letter-1

    Please submit this as soon as you can. The process can be long and it's important if your child is at School refusal to do it now, in order to get the support you need for them.

    IPSEA also have a helpline for you to speak with someone in person.

    The right support can make all the difference. It has with one of my sons and like you, we were fobbed off. My other son was not so lucky. 

    Good Luck

    Coogybear

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Up to a point Lord Copper!

    A statement may be useful but it may be that the school is just unsuitable or too badly run to cope with an ASD child. Getting a statement may be very hard and it may not make the school do what needs to be done. We moved our kids (not ASD though) in the middle of their Junior years and it was one of the best things we did as they moved from a school with an incompetent head to a school with an outstanding head. The whole school environment was profoundly different between the two schools. Getting the right environment is a very important thing for someone with ASD.

  • The right thing to do is push for a statement + don't give up till you get 1.  As things stand your son will continue to fall behind because the school don't want to get involved.  Do not give up + be assertive.

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    If the school is a "noisy chaotic environment" then you won't be able to change this and I would suggest that he may do better in a more orderly, more disciplined school (by which I do not mean that they use more punishment!) Have a look at some other schools. Some schools are simply more suitable for a child with ASD than others.