So I finally face my demons, HELP!

Hi there,

I am a father of an 8 year old autistic child whom my wife deals with fantastically but well if I'm honest I increasingly struggle to manage with this child's behaviour and what seem continual meltdowns and his simply unreasonable understanding and communication when going through these episodes, we have two thee children who cope really well considering the level of attention that our autistic son demands from both of us.

I work extremely long and stressful hours and occupy a very high level managerial role within the construction industry, I fear that what is going on at home is affecting my work in numerous ways, stressing about my son, lack of sleep after late night meltdowns and early starts as well as the strains it is applying to my marriage.

I am not writting this in the hope that pity or sorrow are shown but in an effort to reach other fathers who find themselves in this position or can offer some guidance, I am increasingly self aware that I need to make the effort to understand my son and his situation and would like some guidance on how it may be possible to get!

hope the above is clear and I have not bored you all!

Parents
  • Hi Deano, I have a relative who worked in construction, so I understand just how much this can take you away from your family. I appreciate that you come home to relax with your family to recharge your batteries. Staying strong to support them financially, in what has been a very difficult area to work in, through the recession, is important.

    Children with asd are stressful to be arround, but you may be winding him up, because you are stressed. In the short term, I would suggest that if you cannot cope with his behaviour, you take 5 or 10 minutes away from them to calm yourself. If you become calm, you will help him become calm. You say that your wife can deal with him. She has experience, which you can learn from. Ask her what you should do and say in each set of circumstances, because she knows what your sons needs are.

    I would imagine your feelings run through every negative emotion available, including anger and guilt that you cannot cope.

     Ask your wife what you should do, and practise using the stategies she suggests. Don't feel like a failure, just learn little by little from your resident expert. She wants you both to get on. You want a more peaceful home life and your children need stability.

    If you fail on one occaision, take time out, minutes, not hours, and try again. You can have a rewarding relationship, but it needs to be built slowly. If you overcome your own stress, you stand more chance of helping your children to be happy.

     Each small acheivement will encoursge you that you are not a failure.

Reply
  • Hi Deano, I have a relative who worked in construction, so I understand just how much this can take you away from your family. I appreciate that you come home to relax with your family to recharge your batteries. Staying strong to support them financially, in what has been a very difficult area to work in, through the recession, is important.

    Children with asd are stressful to be arround, but you may be winding him up, because you are stressed. In the short term, I would suggest that if you cannot cope with his behaviour, you take 5 or 10 minutes away from them to calm yourself. If you become calm, you will help him become calm. You say that your wife can deal with him. She has experience, which you can learn from. Ask her what you should do and say in each set of circumstances, because she knows what your sons needs are.

    I would imagine your feelings run through every negative emotion available, including anger and guilt that you cannot cope.

     Ask your wife what you should do, and practise using the stategies she suggests. Don't feel like a failure, just learn little by little from your resident expert. She wants you both to get on. You want a more peaceful home life and your children need stability.

    If you fail on one occaision, take time out, minutes, not hours, and try again. You can have a rewarding relationship, but it needs to be built slowly. If you overcome your own stress, you stand more chance of helping your children to be happy.

     Each small acheivement will encoursge you that you are not a failure.

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