Restraint at school

Hi,

I would like to recount my son's restraint of another child today and am seeking your views.

1. Some background

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My seven year old son with Asperger's Syndrome is becoming beside himself at school. He has a 20 hour statement and an accurate list of educational needs, about half of which are being fulfilled by his mainstream school.

We have already started the process of applying for a new school we feel will meet his needs better, but events are moving very quickly. His behaviour is escalating, because of his extreme anxiety.

He is running off a lot, and does not go into his designated safe area because it is too public. He runs round the school and staff try and catch him. He tells me they restrain him when they catch him "to make me safe" and "they only hold me by my big bones to avoid hurting my little bones".

He is also restrained when he starts to throw things.

We think he is anxious because he has no safe place and the timetable is flexible at school. He reacts to the vagueness by trying to run the class. He is going home at lunchtime to try and calm down from the insults of the morning but he is stressed again on setting foot in the school.

He was excluded for two days on Thursday for throwing a chair at a member of staff.

2. The incident

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Today we were out at a soft play centre. He was playing nicely with 3 other children but then pinned down the four year old and would not let them get up, leaving the child in tears. When I was able to get DS off the child DS was in tears and terrified of being told off. He said "I was trying to make him safe. I was only holding him by the big bones. Did I do it right Mummy?"

Now all becomes clear. In my little boy's mind, restraint is tied up with being safe, and this is what school has been teaching my sweet, gentle child.

I apologised on behalf of DS and comforted him.

My plan was to ask the Statement Emergency Review to be ASAP and support DS at home as much as possible (flexischooling).

Considering this incident, should I do anything else? Challenge the school over restraint?

outraged over 10 years ago

poor child believes that what is appropropiae treatment for him is approprite treatment for others...I wonder when someone will tell him that hes a second class citizen.
Former Member over 10 years ago

It's difficult to describe evrything in a single post so I would echo longman's questions but also add a couple more.
Does he feel safe when he is restrained? Does he calm down and take it as a comforting hug in some way or is it just a violent defeat?
Your "sweet and gentle child" is clearly driven to the extremes where he starts to throw things. Does he throw things at home and how do you react if he does this?
Exclusion has come up a few times recently and it made me wonder if it benefits the child by removing the stressful environment for a while and allows him to regain some peace and quiet. Perhaps he can't cope with that school full time and would be less distressed in another school or by reducing his hours of attendance.
longman over 10 years ago

If I can pick up on a few points, this is intriguing.
He is assigned a designated safe area he finds too public? Do you understand what this is about?
They seem to be saying, if I read this accurately, that they expect him to stay in one place where they can supervise him? That is to say this is not a quiet room to unwind from a meltdown? This is a place where they can keep an eye on him?
I can understand they might feel it is necessary to keep an eye on him, and feel he is at risk, but I wonder if they've gone too far with this. Is he being limited where he can go in the playground? Is he visibly being treated differently from other children? Is he not able to play with other children (supposing he was able to do so)?
It might be useful to establish what this "designated safe area" is for? Caging him because he has a disability? The notion of being safe seems to have made an impression on him. Are their efforts to do this stifling?
Running may be his way of processing complex sound or stress. Why are they trying to catch him? Why does he need to be held? Are there problems when he runs around? Or are they just being overly protective?
A safe place at school might be necessary because he cannot process the complex noise of the playground, and therefore needs a safe place away from the noise. I get the feeling this safe place is in the thick of the noise and he is expected to play (on his own?) in this defined envelope.
A safe area might be necessary because he is being bullied.
I'm not so sure a safe place should be about the staff excessively controlling someone with autism. That sounds strange. And why are they running around trying to catch him and hold him?
Bear in mind restraint may have hypersensitivity issues for him.
He threw a chair at a member of staff. He throws things and has to be restrained. I venture to suggest they seem to spend a lot of time trying to impose unreasonable limits. How does he perceive all this chasing and capturing? As if its a game? Or because he feels overly constrained and threatened by it?
His own perception of restraint, applied to another boy, rather stands out a bit. Does he have a sense of injustice that he hasn't the freedom others have? That he is being treated very differently?
Are other children mocking him because he is being treated differently? It sounds like he gets conspicuously different treatment. That cannot be easy for him. He may well be being bullied because he appears different.
Sorry to throw all these questions at you. But I do find the way he is being treated rather strange. Have other parents on here encountered this degree of restraint in school?