• Replies 24 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 4248 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Coping at university - AS son aged 23

Eve

I am interested to hear from others about supporting sons/daughters through university.

My son finds the stress of his current (highly academic course/university) too demanding but does not want to change to a less prestigeous university/less demanding course.  He finds it very difficult to focus on the reality of his experiences, and think about changing plans in order to be more likely to succeed.  He has had mentoring help at university but when the chips are down he does not turn up for the mentoring or study support, nor answer the phone or reply to txts from us, his parents. 

He has successfully completed five terms' work over a period of 15 terms, with long periods out due to depression or for breaks as he was behind with the work and not able to cope at the expected level, even with various allowances made.

It is difficult to put the right package of support in place (ie a foolproof one!).

We would like him to transfer to a university that he could attend while living at home, so that we could help him keep in the rails: get up & go to bed at a reasonable time, get to lectures/seminars (or at least not miss them as he had over slepty/not left his room, write the essays, eat, wash, socialise, keep an eye on his mental health/taking medication etc. 

Does anyone else have thoughts, tips or relevant experience?

Parents

  • Hi  

    Believe me, I'm not expecting magic solutions.

    We have been working on making the degree work at this university for five years with three separate periods there interspursed with three periods back at home due to poor mental health health/unresolved issues (first two breaks) and unresolved time management/support/motivation issues (latest, current,break).

    My husband and I give support in terms time by phone, text and Skype several times a day to help Will get up, get to lectures/seminars on time, schedule the work, eat, wash, etc. and it is very tiring, and frustrating and worryin when Will goes to ground and doesn't respond. He has had suicidal periods so we do get woried when he doesn't answer. It signals that he feels very low (or wants solitude, or avoid us).

    He started coming home every weekend, as this enabled him to have the scaffolding of the family routine, regular meals and to write an essay (sometimes), which he couldn't manage to do without structured support.

    He stopped having a laptop at college, to avoid the distraction of FB/surfing etc.

    Will had a good AS mentor and we arranged separate academic peer support, but he used these services/attended meetings sporadically.

    After a long series of less satisfactory arrangements we have support from a really good AS-aware, Psychiatrist and GP in the university town, but despite this (and regular meds reviews) things remain tricky.

    The highly academic university just seems too much. (And yes, husband and I have five university qualifications between us.)

Reply

  • Hi  

    Believe me, I'm not expecting magic solutions.

    We have been working on making the degree work at this university for five years with three separate periods there interspursed with three periods back at home due to poor mental health health/unresolved issues (first two breaks) and unresolved time management/support/motivation issues (latest, current,break).

    My husband and I give support in terms time by phone, text and Skype several times a day to help Will get up, get to lectures/seminars on time, schedule the work, eat, wash, etc. and it is very tiring, and frustrating and worryin when Will goes to ground and doesn't respond. He has had suicidal periods so we do get woried when he doesn't answer. It signals that he feels very low (or wants solitude, or avoid us).

    He started coming home every weekend, as this enabled him to have the scaffolding of the family routine, regular meals and to write an essay (sometimes), which he couldn't manage to do without structured support.

    He stopped having a laptop at college, to avoid the distraction of FB/surfing etc.

    Will had a good AS mentor and we arranged separate academic peer support, but he used these services/attended meetings sporadically.

    After a long series of less satisfactory arrangements we have support from a really good AS-aware, Psychiatrist and GP in the university town, but despite this (and regular meds reviews) things remain tricky.

    The highly academic university just seems too much. (And yes, husband and I have five university qualifications between us.)

Children
No Data