Help. Need Advice please.

Hi


I'm mailing on behalf of my son, who is a first year undergraduate student at University. He has a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome, dyslexia and dyspraxia and receives DLA and DSA. He is aware of this mail.

The academic support from the University itself has been very good - better than experiences with schools had led us to expect. He has a 2 support workers, a named contact in student wellbeing, support software (recording equipment for lectures etc) and his College (the Business School) has been generally supportive. He is enjoying his studies and even regularly attends several student societies.

The only serious problem he has is with his accommodation, provided by private student accommodation suppliers who provide a large accommodation complex next door to the Business School. They placed him a student flat with 5 other students and facing towards the Central Courtyard.

They were informed at least twice in writing and at least twice during phone calls about my son’s condition before he signed their contract. They have failed to make any adjustments to allow him to fully access the services provided - even ignoring his stated preferences for a smaller flat (max. 3 other students) and a room facing away from the central courtyard (as he is very sensitive to ambient noise). We have subsequently found out that he is not the first Aspergers student to have problems at the current accommodation. They haven't anticipated or implemented any adjustments to help students with my son’s disabilities.

For example, even though there were locks fitted to the 6 kitchen cupboards they didn't issue keys and when the other students "took his cupboard, fridge and freezer space" his condition meant that he wouldn't 'stand up for himself' and ended up trying to store his kitchen equipment and food in half the cupboard under the sink and with no space in the fridge/freezer (except the ice cube tray). When his flatmates told him to 'be quiet' (we overheard one of them knocking on his door telling him to be quiet when he was simply making a phone call to us at about 10pm) he started whispering in his room at all times.

These along with other similar incidents have led to tension with his flatmates resulting in him refusing to use the kitchen, flush his toilet or interact with the others in his flat. There is now no chance of re-integrating him into his current accommodation.

His support worker has approached his current accommodation to see if there is a possibility of moving within the accommodation but they have said there is not. The University Accommodation office has found him a studio flat that he could move to but it is with a different accommodation provider. He has been told that his current accommodation provider will hold him to his contract and that he can only move if he re-lets his current accommodation otherwise he will be liable for rent on both rooms.

Does he have grounds to cancel/leave his contract with his current accommodation provider and how would he need to go about it?

Without moving we are sure he will give up his course and leave the University. He intends to hand back his keys on 18th December (when the current term ends). He won't return to the flat after that (and there seems to be very little we can do to change his mind).

If he has his alternative accommodation in place by or near the start of term in January, he will go back (we can help him commute from home in the short term only - we live in a rural location approx. 35 miles from the University with very poor public transport links). This gives us a potential timeframe to the end of January to sort the accommodation. If there's a realistic chance of getting the contract cancelled we would advise him to default on the January payment of his current accommodation provider contract and take the studio flat.

Could you please advise us/him on what we should do?

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    longman said:

    I love the idea that you can stop bullying by raising your hand and saying "I will not accept any more of this"....huh....

    Bullying of people on the spectrum seems universally misunderstood. You get bullied because you are socially inept, easily taken advantage of, and an easy source of entertainment if prone to meltdowns or other over the top reactions.

    The causes are clearly explained by Longman and we do not defend ourselves well because of an inability to think on our feet and an inability to easily survive the rough and tumble of many social situations.

    Bullying can, however, be stopped, it is NOT an inevitable part of our lives. Max's son will not be able to get through his course and then survive in the workplace unless he develops some strategies. He cannot just walk out of situation after situation and hope that it will magically get better.

    I over simplified the way to deal with this so here is a more complete recipe for dealing with it.

    Step 1. Recognise that the bullying is happening.

    Step 2. Know your strengths and be confident that you are worth something more than being the subject of the bullying.

    Step 3. Understand that bullies are not evil, master criminals who are scheming to attack you. They are generally immature people who fall into bullying because they don't know any better. they deserve your pity and absolutely nothing else.

    Step 4. Believe that it is possible to stop the bullying.

    Step 5. Stand up and stop people from walking all over you. Ask people politely to give you back your rightful share of tings. Don't resort to violence or shouting or threats. Learn to use silence to let people think about what they are doing.

    Step 5 is hard, really hard. But it is not impossible and once you have done it once then the second and third times will be easier.

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    longman said:

    I love the idea that you can stop bullying by raising your hand and saying "I will not accept any more of this"....huh....

    Bullying of people on the spectrum seems universally misunderstood. You get bullied because you are socially inept, easily taken advantage of, and an easy source of entertainment if prone to meltdowns or other over the top reactions.

    The causes are clearly explained by Longman and we do not defend ourselves well because of an inability to think on our feet and an inability to easily survive the rough and tumble of many social situations.

    Bullying can, however, be stopped, it is NOT an inevitable part of our lives. Max's son will not be able to get through his course and then survive in the workplace unless he develops some strategies. He cannot just walk out of situation after situation and hope that it will magically get better.

    I over simplified the way to deal with this so here is a more complete recipe for dealing with it.

    Step 1. Recognise that the bullying is happening.

    Step 2. Know your strengths and be confident that you are worth something more than being the subject of the bullying.

    Step 3. Understand that bullies are not evil, master criminals who are scheming to attack you. They are generally immature people who fall into bullying because they don't know any better. they deserve your pity and absolutely nothing else.

    Step 4. Believe that it is possible to stop the bullying.

    Step 5. Stand up and stop people from walking all over you. Ask people politely to give you back your rightful share of tings. Don't resort to violence or shouting or threats. Learn to use silence to let people think about what they are doing.

    Step 5 is hard, really hard. But it is not impossible and once you have done it once then the second and third times will be easier.

Children
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