motivation

Hi Bootsy,

I admire you so much coping with all of this on your own.  It sounds as though you are doing an incredible job and with little support.  I was wondering if there is a support group near to you maybe that you could go along to.  The National Autistic Society helplines may be able to put you in touch with one or you might be able to find out about is available in your area at your local library. 

I know what you mean about feeling that your best efforts only seem to make a difference for a short while.  However, please don't lose heart.  You may be having more of an impact on him than you realise. That drip, drip of constant positivity can eventually get through to them.  As long as they can rely on you reacting in the same way to things every time, I think it does get through to them.  I have just began to notice the difference in my own son.  Something happened at school the other day that was unexpected and really challenging for him.  It was a role play he had to do in class and he sent me a text afterwards saying it was terrible.  I sent him a reply saying that I was so pleased to hear that he did it as it gave him an opportunity to show everyone what he is capable of.  He came home in such a good mood I was amazed.  

I have only just learnt not to presume anything with him, to try not to expect him to react in the same way to something every time.  When someone with Aspergers does the same thing, the same way everytime it is easy to expect them to do that forever.   But if we, as parents, do make that assumption will the way we think ever allow them the space to change?  It seems to me that young people often behave in the way we expect them to.  (Hope that makes some sense, not sure it does to me and I know what I want to say, lol). 

One thing about my son is that he is the most incredible perfectionist that I know and I had to look to my own tendencies in that area.  When I did that I realised that the language I was using was actually encouraging it in my son.  I think he is looking for 'perfect' in everything.  Can you really be happy if you are not perfectly happy, for example?  There can be no balance between good and not good, to this way of thinking as there is nothing in between.  Glass half full or glass half empty, I suppose.

Re-reading the above sounds like so much rambling.  Sorry if it was too confusing. Take care, thinking of you.

T x 

Hi Bootsy,

I admire you so much coping with all of this on your own.  It sounds as though you are doing an incredible job and with little support.  I was wondering if there is a support group near to you maybe that you could go along to.  The National Autistic Society helplines may be able to put you in touch with one or you might be able to find out about is available in your area at your local library. 

I know what you mean about feeling that your best efforts only seem to make a difference for a short while.  However, please don't lose heart.  You may be having more of an impact on him than you realise. That drip, drip of constant positivity can eventually get through to them.  As long as they can rely on you reacting in the same way to things every time, I think it does get through to them.  I have just began to notice the difference in my own son.  Something happened at school the other day that was unexpected and really challenging for him.  It was a role play he had to do in class and he sent me a text afterwards saying it was terrible.  I sent him a reply saying that I was so pleased to hear that he did it as it gave him an opportunity to show everyone what he is capable of.  He came home in such a good mood I was amazed.  

I have only just learnt not to presume anything with him, to try not to expect him to react in the same way to something every time.  When someone with Aspergers does the same thing, the same way everytime it is easy to expect them to do that forever.   But if we, as parents, do make that assumption will the way we think ever allow them the space to change?  It seems to me that young people often behave in the way we expect them to.  (Hope that makes some sense, not sure it does to me and I know what I want to say, lol). 

One thing about my son is that he is the most incredible perfectionist that I know and I had to look to my own tendencies in that area.  When I did that I realised that the language I was using was actually encouraging it in my son.  I think he is looking for 'perfect' in everything.  Can you really be happy if you are not perfectly happy, for example?  There can be no balance between good and not good, to this way of thinking as there is nothing in between.  Glass half full or glass half empty, I suppose.

Re-reading the above sounds like so much rambling.  Sorry if it was too confusing. Take care, thinking of you.

T x