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Having another child

SproutsMa

Firstly this post comes with a disclaimer - my intention is not to offend anyone, but I might do, for which I am sorry.  I dont really have any other place to ask this question.

Our son, although not yet formally diagnosed, is receiving support for a presumed autism diagnosis.  We are pretty much just making plans for him and the actual diagnosis seems pretty much a formality now.

We always talked about having another child after our son - we are both older so we knew it would need to be soon.  Now that we know we are on the path to a diagnosis for him the topic has obviously come up again.

My husband is still keen to have another child.  He points out that although there is every chance that another child might also be on the spectrum, there is every chance that they may not.  He thinks our son would benefit from having a sibling around who would also hopefully be a friend to him when we are gone.

I am scared that our little ones behaviour will change.  He is currently placid, flexible, very easy going - in fact he is wonderful around babies - runs up to give them their dummy back or stroke them if they are crying.  I fear that is going to change at some point down the line and that I may not cope if I have two children with special needs.  Our marriage has already started to show signs of strain.

I'm also afraid of depriving him of attention if he might need it as he gets older, but the thought of no more children fills me with a renewed grief that I didnt expect.

Is there anyone here who has wrestled with this decision?  What did you decide?  How did you decide?  Is there anyone who can tell me if we are likely to have another child on the spectrum so we could make this decision consciously?

Thanks.

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Environment is an absolute key to making a success of bringing up an autistic child. Diet is a factor in some, particularly those with fussy eating problems. Agree very much with SOI on that.

    I'm saddened by Kitty's posts. It seems possible that her child may have been different in a different environment. As I understand it Kitty is recently diagnosed with ASD and she has an ASD child. As a recently diagnosed aspie I am aware that my own parenting skills were not great. I was not totally in control and I did not have the awareness to make a great parent. Fortunately my own kids have escaped unscathed and our marriage has survived.Smile

    It seems to me that Kitty deserves our every support and assistance rather than judgement and castigation. Is there anything we can do to help?

    In answer to SproutsMa's earlier question. I was diagnosed with Asperger's/autism at 56 after finding myself in a totally hostile work environment. Prior to that, I had an 'eventful' life but had managed well enough without the understanding of my condition. I also have some dietary sensitivities but am struggling to make a solid connection between that and my behaviour.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Environment is an absolute key to making a success of bringing up an autistic child. Diet is a factor in some, particularly those with fussy eating problems. Agree very much with SOI on that.

    I'm saddened by Kitty's posts. It seems possible that her child may have been different in a different environment. As I understand it Kitty is recently diagnosed with ASD and she has an ASD child. As a recently diagnosed aspie I am aware that my own parenting skills were not great. I was not totally in control and I did not have the awareness to make a great parent. Fortunately my own kids have escaped unscathed and our marriage has survived.Smile

    It seems to me that Kitty deserves our every support and assistance rather than judgement and castigation. Is there anything we can do to help?

    In answer to SproutsMa's earlier question. I was diagnosed with Asperger's/autism at 56 after finding myself in a totally hostile work environment. Prior to that, I had an 'eventful' life but had managed well enough without the understanding of my condition. I also have some dietary sensitivities but am struggling to make a solid connection between that and my behaviour.

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