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Struggling to know where to draw the line when autistic daughter becomes frustrated

Smoira

Hello all,

Our 7 year old daughter struggles with managing her frustrations: most times, when we say "no" to something she wants, or ask her to do something she's not interesting in/doesn't want to do, it ends with her crying very loudly and intensely, sometimes her crumbling down on the floor.

We don't know where to draw the line between standard child behaviour that we should address firmly and autistic trait that requires more gentleness and diplomacy. 

Our daughter has speech delay and it's not only difficult to have a conversation with her, but even when she engages, she struggles to find the words to express what's on her mind. 

Does any of you know whether any health professional could help us? I don't know if a psychologist could given her speech delay?

Beyond this, if you've experienced something similar, keen to know how you're handling it.

Thanks in advance!

Parents

  • Boundaries are always a good thing but the timing of them matters. It's absolutely ok and right to say no to things. However, trying to put a boundary in place when she is upset and frustrated will not work. This doesn't mean that you go back on your no, the no should still stand. It just means that you give her the time and space to calm before talking about it. When she is calm enough a simple script of "I understand you felt upset because I said no but ... Insert explanation here" can help to reinforce the boundary here. If she is just getting upset then let her be upset but if she is shouting at people or hitting etc you can also explain that it's ok to feel that way but shouting at people isn't ok. 

    Visuals can help with communication if she doesn't always have the words/understanding. If you have reoccurring situations then social stories can be really helpful.

Reply

  • Boundaries are always a good thing but the timing of them matters. It's absolutely ok and right to say no to things. However, trying to put a boundary in place when she is upset and frustrated will not work. This doesn't mean that you go back on your no, the no should still stand. It just means that you give her the time and space to calm before talking about it. When she is calm enough a simple script of "I understand you felt upset because I said no but ... Insert explanation here" can help to reinforce the boundary here. If she is just getting upset then let her be upset but if she is shouting at people or hitting etc you can also explain that it's ok to feel that way but shouting at people isn't ok. 

    Visuals can help with communication if she doesn't always have the words/understanding. If you have reoccurring situations then social stories can be really helpful.

Children
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