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Struggling to know where to draw the line when autistic daughter becomes frustrated

Smoira

Hello all,

Our 7 year old daughter struggles with managing her frustrations: most times, when we say "no" to something she wants, or ask her to do something she's not interesting in/doesn't want to do, it ends with her crying very loudly and intensely, sometimes her crumbling down on the floor.

We don't know where to draw the line between standard child behaviour that we should address firmly and autistic trait that requires more gentleness and diplomacy. 

Our daughter has speech delay and it's not only difficult to have a conversation with her, but even when she engages, she struggles to find the words to express what's on her mind. 

Does any of you know whether any health professional could help us? I don't know if a psychologist could given her speech delay?

Beyond this, if you've experienced something similar, keen to know how you're handling it.

Thanks in advance!

  • in reply to Zac Mod

    Thanks Zac Mod! I hadn't checked all the resources yet so will try to see if I can find inspiration in those I haven't explored yet!

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    Thanks Expecto_Patronum! Reading your recommendations is reassuring because they validate the approach we've been taking :) 

  • Boundaries are always a good thing but the timing of them matters. It's absolutely ok and right to say no to things. However, trying to put a boundary in place when she is upset and frustrated will not work. This doesn't mean that you go back on your no, the no should still stand. It just means that you give her the time and space to calm before talking about it. When she is calm enough a simple script of "I understand you felt upset because I said no but ... Insert explanation here" can help to reinforce the boundary here. If she is just getting upset then let her be upset but if she is shouting at people or hitting etc you can also explain that it's ok to feel that way but shouting at people isn't ok. 

    Visuals can help with communication if she doesn't always have the words/understanding. If you have reoccurring situations then social stories can be really helpful.

  • Hello Smoira.

    You make a very interesting point here - while it is important to have empathy, understanding, and patience with an autistic child, it is also true to say that there are limits as to just how far we can allow boundaries to be pushed. One thing is for certain here, you are trying your best to provide as a big hearted, kind, respectful parent.

    While I am sure that our community will have a lot of insight and feedback to give, in the meantime, I would like to direct you towards our NAS approved resources:

    Behaviour - A selection of resources relating to Behaviours.

    Autism and communication - A selection of guides relating to communications.

    Autism Services Directory - A directory of services located around the united kingdom, some of which include healthcare professionals.

    Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline - Our parent to parent helpline.

    I wish you the best in working through your current circumstances, you all deserve the best.

    Thanks - Zac Mod.