Hitting & separation anxiety

Trying using PACE might be helpful. It stands for playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy. Whilst he is feeling distressed he probably can't take in much about gentle hands. Being playful can help a child to calm. I know it goes against the default mindset that the behaviour should be dealt with in the moment but there is scientific research behind it. Acceptance can be saying things like I understand that you are upset, angry, worried etc. Curiosity can be I'm wondering if you are upset because dad is leaving the room. Empathy can be saying things like that must feel really difficult. When he is calm most definitely keep reinforcing the message about gentle hands. Again using acceptance - it is ok to feel upset/angry/worried but hitting isn't ok. You could use curiosity again to make a plan with your son. What do you think you could do next time you feel that way? Have a plan with your son that helps him to calm - a fidget he can squeeze, whatever it is that helps your son.

Transition objects can also be useful. Something that his dad can give to him when he is going somewhere. Dad could have an object too. When they look at their objects they know they are thinking of each other. This can be really helpful with separation anxiety. It can be a really simple object - a toy, a badge, a friendship bracelet, a picture of dad - anything that would be useful to your son to know his dad is thinking of him. 

Personally I would steer clear of things like the naughty step. If it is coming from a distressed place then punishment is unlikely to help. That is not a criticism, just how I see it.

Social stories can also be helpful. If you look it up online you might find one about separating from parents. If not, AI tools like chat gpt can be pretty helpful for writing them.

I hope some of that is helpful. They are just suggestions. I hope the situation improves for you.

Trying using PACE might be helpful. It stands for playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy. Whilst he is feeling distressed he probably can't take in much about gentle hands. Being playful can help a child to calm. I know it goes against the default mindset that the behaviour should be dealt with in the moment but there is scientific research behind it. Acceptance can be saying things like I understand that you are upset, angry, worried etc. Curiosity can be I'm wondering if you are upset because dad is leaving the room. Empathy can be saying things like that must feel really difficult. When he is calm most definitely keep reinforcing the message about gentle hands. Again using acceptance - it is ok to feel upset/angry/worried but hitting isn't ok. You could use curiosity again to make a plan with your son. What do you think you could do next time you feel that way? Have a plan with your son that helps him to calm - a fidget he can squeeze, whatever it is that helps your son.

Transition objects can also be useful. Something that his dad can give to him when he is going somewhere. Dad could have an object too. When they look at their objects they know they are thinking of each other. This can be really helpful with separation anxiety. It can be a really simple object - a toy, a badge, a friendship bracelet, a picture of dad - anything that would be useful to your son to know his dad is thinking of him. 

Personally I would steer clear of things like the naughty step. If it is coming from a distressed place then punishment is unlikely to help. That is not a criticism, just how I see it.

Social stories can also be helpful. If you look it up online you might find one about separating from parents. If not, AI tools like chat gpt can be pretty helpful for writing them.

I hope some of that is helpful. They are just suggestions. I hope the situation improves for you.

Thank you, this is very helpful