15 year old daughter struggles to socialise

Okay, so 

For nearly all of my life and this is still true now, nearly all of my friends are contextual and I only like hanging out with them in those contexts. So if it's a school friend, I honestly have no interest in seeing them outside of school. Does your daughter actually want to socialise in the way you think she should? If not, it might be you that needs to moderate their expectations. I actually became much happier when I could just settle down with a few good friends and my teachers stopped setting me 'make more friends' targets.

If she wants to try socialising outside school, here are some things that help me.

I socialise best with activities, so having something to do like crafts or on a walk or cooking. Just 'hanging out' does not work and stresses me out massively. Think about an event that also has a hard ending, so that ending the visit is not an additional stress while she's starting out. Maybe a walk with a set route before hand? Baking a cake and having tea together? Doing a sporting or music event together if that's something she enjoys? Something that is at least vaguely related to her interests to help regulate. 

Also doing it in controlled environments and only with maybe 1-2 people at a time helps because I'm not trying to manage sensory stress as well as the socialising. Going into town to go shopping leads to me becoming minimally verbal and walking into strangers on the street very quickly. 

Does she have any hobbies or clubs she goes to like music, sport, or other things? This is now how I make most of my friends, and again they're nearly all contextual, but it's another way to socialise outside of school?

Hi and welcome to the community.

I suggest being careful to centre your daughter's own preferences - and her view of her capacity - within your approach.

As we grow up, educational and social demands can increase (eg more challenging school work, greater expectations around socialising) - and the detrimental impacts of any masking, including in social settings, can become more significant (eg mental health, self-esteem):

NAS - Masking

Perhaps a good start might be to ask what her goals are in respect of friendships and socialising, and what she feels would be manageable in terms of meeting them? 

In addition to what Zac Mod has already suggested, you and your daughter might find the following set of resources helpful:

NAS - Resources for autistic teenagers > Know Yourself series

This is a set of free resources (videos, PDFs, worksheets) to support autistic teenagers in understanding what being autistic means to them, and includes sections - for example - on understanding others, and energy accounting. There are also plenty of links to further resources that you and your daughter might find helpful.

In case you haven't yet seen them, there are also some great resources here about getting extra help and support at - and beyond - school:

NAS - Education

Hello JKOppen.

As you say, socialising can be important, you are doing a fantastic job looking out for your daughter in this way.

While the NAS has resources relating to socialising that may be useful for you, I wonder if there may be any services listed in our directory that may be of use:

Making friends

Autism Services Directory

I wish you the best here.

Thanks - Zac Mod.