Help ASD person make friends?

Does sound a bit though as if you are trying to cure him. He's not making these problems up to be difficult, nor is he not trying hard enough.

Let me, if you can, use my own life experience as an example. I'm 64, mild end aspergers, wasn't diagnosed until 55, have managed a career (now retired), own my own house paid for by my own efforts.

I find socialising hugely difficult. My eye contact, while not obvious (I look at mouths instead of eyes) is a real problem. I miss a lot of the thread of conversations because I miss the non-verbal bits that everyone takes for granted.

As to stimulating environments (parties, crowds) I cannot filter out background. People sound like they are talking in a foreign language. It helps a bit if I stand near a wall, so the sound comes from one direction, then I get accused of not mingling. I get tired quickly at social events, because of the stress and the effort to concentrate. I then look spaced out, and word has got round in the past that I must be an alcoholic or on drugs. In fact I drink little, because far from lowering my inhibitions, alcohol makes the process of socialising harder.

Now I'm not one for avoiding challenges, and for most of my life I didn't have aspergers as an excuse. I pushed myself very hard into every kind of situation to get over my difficulties.

Now I'm sat here reading - "general self esteem building" - yes for years I suffered from low self esteem - are you surprised? Yes you can alleviate it, but its not easily done.

mini-targets....for what? "moving a little outside comfort zone each time" - yes my view is that works, but primarily because autism makes you retreat to avoid getting hurt, and it pays to reverse this process.

Conversation suggestions...this is nothing to do with shyness!  Its not that people cannot learn a few useful phrases for goodness sake!  The problem is losing information in the interface, and not being able to convey information cvorrectly. You might learn a few handy phrases but you don't have enough cues about when and where to use them correctly.

Relaxation techniques to help with anxiety...I had enough relaxation tapes, and assertion packs and the likes from GPs over the years. It just isn't relevant.

It sounds to me like you are judging this young person with ASD from your own  non-ASD perspective. You are suggesting with a little bit of effort here and there, in time he'll solve his problems. NO HE WON'T. Perhaps if you tried to find out more about autism and why it makes life difficult, you might be able to help.

However I just get the impression you are well-intentionally meddling in someone's life from the perspective you think he just needs a little guidance and nudging. You owe it to him to get properly informed.

Does sound a bit though as if you are trying to cure him. He's not making these problems up to be difficult, nor is he not trying hard enough.

Let me, if you can, use my own life experience as an example. I'm 64, mild end aspergers, wasn't diagnosed until 55, have managed a career (now retired), own my own house paid for by my own efforts.

I find socialising hugely difficult. My eye contact, while not obvious (I look at mouths instead of eyes) is a real problem. I miss a lot of the thread of conversations because I miss the non-verbal bits that everyone takes for granted.

As to stimulating environments (parties, crowds) I cannot filter out background. People sound like they are talking in a foreign language. It helps a bit if I stand near a wall, so the sound comes from one direction, then I get accused of not mingling. I get tired quickly at social events, because of the stress and the effort to concentrate. I then look spaced out, and word has got round in the past that I must be an alcoholic or on drugs. In fact I drink little, because far from lowering my inhibitions, alcohol makes the process of socialising harder.

Now I'm not one for avoiding challenges, and for most of my life I didn't have aspergers as an excuse. I pushed myself very hard into every kind of situation to get over my difficulties.

Now I'm sat here reading - "general self esteem building" - yes for years I suffered from low self esteem - are you surprised? Yes you can alleviate it, but its not easily done.

mini-targets....for what? "moving a little outside comfort zone each time" - yes my view is that works, but primarily because autism makes you retreat to avoid getting hurt, and it pays to reverse this process.

Conversation suggestions...this is nothing to do with shyness!  Its not that people cannot learn a few useful phrases for goodness sake!  The problem is losing information in the interface, and not being able to convey information cvorrectly. You might learn a few handy phrases but you don't have enough cues about when and where to use them correctly.

Relaxation techniques to help with anxiety...I had enough relaxation tapes, and assertion packs and the likes from GPs over the years. It just isn't relevant.

It sounds to me like you are judging this young person with ASD from your own  non-ASD perspective. You are suggesting with a little bit of effort here and there, in time he'll solve his problems. NO HE WON'T. Perhaps if you tried to find out more about autism and why it makes life difficult, you might be able to help.

However I just get the impression you are well-intentionally meddling in someone's life from the perspective you think he just needs a little guidance and nudging. You owe it to him to get properly informed.