Driving instructors

As you can see from a few messages above, I commented on this thread two years ago. I had horrible anxiety, more so in the run up to actually getting in the car, it was practically unbearable and would have me constantly in tears. It was like I was on a walk to the gallows or something. A few of my lessons were wasted just talking to my instructor because I couldn't even start the car. I just had to push through it, but there were times when I thought I wouldn't make it and shouldn't be in control of a vehicle.

I failed my test three times, mainly because of anxiety. The first time I felt pressured into the test, like "we've done the syllabus, I've taught you everything, TEST TIME!" and it was a trainwreck. I chose the date the second time and was doing well until a couple of minutes near the end when I apparently cut too close to a parked car (I didn't think so!) and then subsequently, and maybe even as a result, lost clutch control when I had to stop on an incline. Third time I was doing well until I nearly ran over a cyclist by accident. Fourth time lucky.

It took me about a year and a half to pass and a lot of money! I did ok learning to a point, but then I hit a sort of plateau, probably anxiety related, where I just couldn't go that extra bit to pass the test. 

I've now been driving in my own car for just over a year and I am more comfortable now that I'm driving alone than I was with the instructor in the car. I've managed to hit a few bushes here and there but thankfully no cars or pedestrians!

I am enquiring in the hope someone can help please. My son turns 17 yrs old this year and is keen to learn to drive. What experiences have others had with autistic people learning to drive, and can anyone recommend an instructor in North Yorkshire? Any tips and advice would be greatly appreciate,

thank you

Francel

Socks,

By the child I meant Beemans son. Not a child as in an infant. Sorry, a little vague on my part.

Personally, I'd trial a few other instructors. In past experience i've found you need to gel with a tutor. It could be that his son now has associative feelings toward the original instructor and this is blocking his progress. My own youngest son has this in his School setting. A subject he formally was making good progress in has now become anxiety provoking for him because he doesn't gel with the tutor. The tutor does not know how to access his interest anymore and the tension has mounted. My son can no longer look at the subject in the same way because he associates the teacher with anxiety. Unless he moves teacher, he won't make much progress in this subject.

I would still use the visual aids as they do offer snapshot picture senarios, which are often more easily fixed in the mind than the often confusing rush of traffic that one can encounters during a lesson. Once these images are fixed, encountering the real life senarios can become more manageble as you are able to draw from your memory store. Using the CD's has helped my own son with this very much. Aside from roundabouts, which I only just learnt about recently. (The rule of giving way to your right was not clear in his mind and he felt roundabouts represented a 'free for all') He has used the senario images to help him on the road. For most on the spectrum practicing senarios of what they may encounter even in communication with others, is very important. If a senario pops up that you don't expect, anxiety looms large.

I could be wrong, but I remember a thread a short while back from a lad who was talking about his lessons and the continuous assurances that he would have greater freedom in the end, which he found very infuriating. I'm not sure if this is related to Beemans post, but it may be worth finding.

If Beemans son needs a break then that's fine, but you need to be sure that a break does not become a barrier or block. Breaking the cycle of anxiety that has built up over sometime and has clearly escallated, needs some careful thought and planning.

My own son has had some success with NLP over cyclic anxiety and it has allowed him to re-access public transport following a serious trauma, but he has now decided to learn to drive to further limit the likelyhood of him being assaulted again.( He suffered another assult earlier this year.) It's worth considering if this level of independance in being able to drive a car, is important to his son. As adults, we can see the advantages and freedoms it not only offer us, but also our children. From Beemans, sons standpoint he cannot see this.

Driving isn't for everyone, but having options and alternative strategies maybe the key!

Good Luck Beeman and good luck to your son.

Coogybear

Coogybear said:

 If your son is having difficulties, it's way more likely to be the tutor, not the child that is at fault.

Children aren't allowed to drive! i don't think it's fair to presume that the instructor is at fault. I know that i make loads of mistakes and that stuff can be my fault. But seriously, i think that there can be a tendency in aspies not to listen and not to internalise what a teacher may be saying. I'm with Pandoren, perhaps the son isn't ready for this yet, perhaps it may be better to wait awhile? I took a long time (over 30 lessons and several attempts at the test) and struggled with various bits and, in hindsight, there's a lot going on when you are driving which makes real driving very different to the theory and rules bit that you can learn from a book.

i have, however, always cycled and think that this can help with road sense and positioning on the road and so on. Does the son cycle, does he have an appreciation for what's going on? Also, has beeman been driven by son? What does he think of his son's driving and attitude to the whole thing?

A good instructor is worth their weight in gold, but they don't need to be ASD trained to teach well. Normally, if it was for something like councelling I'd advise you sort someone who is ASD aware, but not for driving.

I have two sons on the spectrum. One has been driving since he was four. Off road obviously, but he's a natural. The other has only been driving since he turned 17.

The seventeen year olds instructor is brilliant. Calm measured and very patient yet not ASD trained in any way. He's made slow, but steady progress and in just six months is near enough ready for his test. The younger one passed his tractor practical first time with no lessons or instructon. To learn a skill like driving we all have to learn at our own pace and for an instructor to give up on your son is probably both sad and damaging for his self-esteem, but also fortuitous because he can now be tutored by someone else more suitable.

Driving, i'm told, is ideally suited to those with ASD. Their are rules of the road and you stick by them. If your son is having difficulties, it's way more likely to be the tutor, not the child that is at fault.

I would search around for one locally who is independant and who has come by recommendation, someone with a sense of humor who makes it enjoyable to learn. Irrespective of any disabilities we all learn better when the teacher has a passion for the subject or makes learning interesting. Using an independant can also ensure that your son gets to see the same person each time.

Trial a few if you have to, i'm sure your son will realise that not all tutors are the same and with the right coaching he can make progress.

Can I ask, has he attempted a theory Test yet? If not then something is also wrong.

I can highly recommend a CD set by GSP. Link attached. only £9.00@ PC World

www.pcworld.co.uk/.../avanquest-driving-test-premium-2014-21771223-pdt.html

It's visual so ideal for visual learners and also has audio for those with reading difficulties. (This has been ideal for my two who are both also severely dyslexic.) If you don't have a copy already, do get him one. It may help fill in some of the missing gaps in his knowledge.

I feel sure that the progress my son has made has also been largely due to the fact that he has access to a car outside of lessons as well. As you would expect he does prefer familiar routes and journeysand has to be pushed to go outside his comfort zone, but daily trips to the local shops to pick up milk etc have all added to regular exposure and experience in driving.

Keep faith and let us know how he gets on. I do hope the instructor hasn't ruined it for him. Good Luck!

Coogybear

I'm in a neighbouring county and learning with AA. It came as a surprise to me to find that not only had my driving instructor successfully taught ASD before but he had realised I had it without my saying so; more of a surprise since I find his personality somewhat objectionable. Good luck to your son.

"After a year" made me wince... I've been paying for my own lessons and I've just forked out for another ten hours to make it up to 30... Such a lot of money!

I'm 26 now by the way. I wanted to learn to drive at 18 but despite previously promising to contribute some money towards it, my mother then refused all payment because she thought I wasn't ready. She was probably right. That and the fact I was deeply depressed at the time and I think she thought I'd wrap the car round a tree on purpose (my brother said I wouldn't do that because I'd like the car too much). If he's been going for a year and not making progress, obviously you've poured a lot of time, effort and money into this but are you sure he's fully ready to drive? What is preventing his progress? Anxiety? Not getting on with his instructor? Not enjoying learning to drive? Or has he just reached a plateau and is not improving for no descernable reason?