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15 year old constant disruptive behaviour..

Ghostei

Hello Wave I’m new, first time I’ve ever joined anything like this.

my son is 15 & was diagnosed with ADHD, Autism and Learning Disabilities at 7, due to a micro deletion in chromosome 16. Since his diagnosis he was then placed into a special provision where he began to thrive which was fantastic! 

However since his younger siblings have gotten older (currently 5 & 8) life at home has become unbearable due to our eldest sons behaviour. 

He comes home from school and he’s rude, shouts, swears, calls his brother’s names, threatens them, is verbally and physically abusive towards them until they go to bed. An adult must remain in the room at all times to ensure the safety of the younger ones which is not practical or sustainable. 

We feel like we are at our wits end, we have reached out to so many people/departments and have got nowhere, it’s got to the point where my husband and I thinking about separating just so that we can keep the little ones safe and have somewhat of a break from the eldest. 

I know some of his behaviour could be impulse driven, he refuses to take his prescribed medication and he is generally well behaved at school. 

Thanks for your time, any advice appreciated Slight smile

  • I’ve been in a similar spot, and what saved my sanity was pulling in more outside help so it wasn’t all on my shoulders. A good behavior specialist can break things into small steps and give you scripts to use in the heat of the moment. I’d also ask the professionals already involved to reassess his support plan, especially since things changed as the younger kids got older. Even tiny tweaks can shift the whole vibe at home.

  • Hi Ghostei, welcome to the online community and thanks so much for reaching out.  I am sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time with your son's behaviour right now - that sounds incredibly stressful for your entire family.  Please know that you're not alone in struggling, and that there is support available for your son and family.

    You may like to take a look at the NAS pages on Behaviour that autistic people may exhibit.  It includes information on anger management and distressed behaviour.

    You may be interested in seeking some professional support regarding the behaviour. You can search for professionals in your area we are aware of on the Autism Services Directory: https://www.autism.org.uk/directory   

    You might also like to take a look at The Challenging Behaviour Foundation website for further information and advice:  https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk. 

    We also have information available on social care.  To find out about the support available for autistic adults and children; support for parents and carers; and how to request an assessment or funding for social care please visit: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/social-care  

    The chatbot AccessAva can be a useful way to find health and social care information. AccessAva is provided by the charity Access Social Care, which specialises in legal advice for people in England with social care needs  https://nas.accesscharity.org.uk/ 

    I hope that you find these resources helpful, and good luck to your family going forward.

  • Hey Ghostei, what you are going through sounds so tough. 

    I used to watch some videos by James Hunt when I was on FB, he has 2 severely autistic non-verbal boys, and I think (needs to be checked), that he and his wife separated, and decided to raise the boys separately, so the boys are alternatively at either parents. I just thought of it as a person that does something similar to what you are describing as your last ditch. It's awful there is no support for your current arrangement, I wonder if there is an in-between, like a house that has a more separate area for your older son so he doesn't see/interact with the younger ones at all? 

    Very hard situation, have you tried some sort of therapy for him, so he can see them as individuals and not just as targets to vent his frustrations on? Finding a healthy outlet would be a good outcome, but depends if you can get him to accept that he needs to change? If he won't listen to his parents (being a teenager generally), is there someone else who could explain to him that he can't treat them like that? 

    I don't think I've helped any, but I do feel for your situation.

  • Bumping back up in case someone can help.