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i find it hard to want to spend time with my son

vicki468

its tough to admit but i find my child emotionally draining an hard work after a few hrs i need space from him .he goes my mums every weekend as i need a break she is also now saying she finding him hard work . he is not naughty he is just constant talkin an fidgeting answering back everyone is wrong he knows everythin his way is right , he struggles with simple tasks each day like get dressd do your buttons he never remembers thats what we do eash day so constanlty have repeat everything each day nothin seems to go in his head he has dispraxia with aspergers tendancies he almost ten an its getting more noticable that he stands out more . i love him dearly my unique boy but i dont enjoy time with him all he wants is computers when i was in hospital with collapsed lung few years back all he wanted was computers an he said things like well if u would have died i can go on my computers when i want. ive tried lots of things to spend time with him but if its not computers he dont want know me

  • Hi, I don't know if you have tried allowing your son to help plan out using technology what he wants to do whilst he is there at blackpool or ask him to look up a place he wants to visit nearby. allow him to take a portable device with him to play on the journey and take it with you whilst your there as well for those pit stops along the way.

    We have ended up visiting some strange, interesting and wonderful places we didn't even know existed, but since he searched for the place using his tech he was happy.

    If you do go to places like Blackpool and are visiting some of the attractions there ring ahead before you go and ask if they have any information for children with autism about the attraction this can help alot. Helped us get through manchester airport the staff were fantastic we received a blue wrist band to let staff know that we have a child with autism in our party and may require extra assitance, they allowed us entry through the fast track section in security so we did not have to wait in the queue squished with the other passengers which would have been very stressful for my son.

    Im only just starting to realise that for a child with autism the world is a very very noisy scary place.

  • I'm a parent of an 11 year old boy with Aspergers and I can totally empathise. I use to feel so frustrated and rejected by my son not wishing to join in with shared activites/fun days out and his comments sometimes that made me feel he really didn't care. Oh and the fasination with technology! I think as a parent you picture in your mind a child that shows love in the traditional way and of sharing experiences like fun days out. It took me a long time and many upsetting times to finally realise its not personal nor intentional. I've had a steep learning curve since my son's diagnosis and forums such as this are a wealth of information especially from those who are on the spectrum. I think Outrage has explained it perfectly I couldn't put it better myself. But also as a parent I understand sometimes the seemingly one sided conversation/interest can get too much. I know with my own son my better understanding that his overwhelming focus on an interest is like a soother to him so particularly when change is happening I understand this is what he needs. When it gets too much I say we will talk about a particular thing at a particular time (find it important to say a time rather than later). If he continues I keep reminding him we will discuss it at the said time. As far as activities and other stuff I think as Outrage says its all about compromise. My son does the pop up thing (smiles). Get as much information and support as possible and with greater understanding of the world through your sons eyes comes easier and happier times. x

  • Special interests are important, they are coping mechanisms that we use to destress and recover from exposure to an alien world; minecraft certainly is an expression of your sons need to feel in control of his surroundings.

    The more we are required to act outside our comfort zones, the greater the need to interact with a special interest. I was, with no disrespect, playing Astroempires whilst I delivered my fathers euligy, without my interest (AE) that would not have been possible for me.

    Can he be encouraged to play minecraft in a communual space so he can "pop up" periodically to enter a remark into an ongoing conversation? This might prove to be his most effective social format.

    Youll find, literally, pages on the topic in hobbies and interests.

  • might not be possible. our special interests are important to us. Would him playing minecraft whilst also participting w family activity be an acceptable compromise? 

  • no u missingt the point i dont want him play minecraft i want him to spend time with us happily noy forced without minecrap

  • you can get minecaft pocket, might help get him out and about... 

  • yes but i wnt do othr thngs with him  i will play compswith him but he gets frustrated wetried take him blackpool pleaure beach he wanted stay homeplay minecraft

  • have you tried spending time with your son involving his computer interest?