Any parents who are Autistic or think they probably are

I got diagnosed end of last year fairly close to my son (11) (different services). I also believe my daughter (9) is too, it's certainly makes a lot of differences to have this at the front of parenting them both.

I'm default parent too, though my husband does do a lot for support where he can (he does parents evenings). I think what helped me is though I only found I was autistic recently, I think they were always my special interest as I put a lot of effort into moving life around for them (one of my assessors noted I talk about them a lot). They also get on well as they tend to share special interests between them (they talk endlessly about Minecraft every meal time for years).

They are easier at home where they are comfortable, my difficulties set in when we are out, my son tends to shutdown and has to be allowed to do things like push the trolley, no matter how heavy, and my daughter clings to me even at 9, unless it's a quiet area and she's comfortable. I had last Friday off, and I took them out for a few things, library, pick up some clothing they needed and a few things from the shops. I can handle their needs at the time, but I get so exhausted, my husband has to put them to bed as I'm done in after cooking dinner too, and in bed before them. I also slept in the morning after (Saturday), I've never slept that long in decades. My daughter's meltdowns are also really hard, the screaming it's hard to sensitive ears. 

I think I'm doing good but it's been a long long learning process of what works for each child, and I haven't always got it right at the time, but I do try and figure out a better approach and it helps.

I got diagnosed end of last year fairly close to my son (11) (different services). I also believe my daughter (9) is too, it's certainly makes a lot of differences to have this at the front of parenting them both.

I'm default parent too, though my husband does do a lot for support where he can (he does parents evenings). I think what helped me is though I only found I was autistic recently, I think they were always my special interest as I put a lot of effort into moving life around for them (one of my assessors noted I talk about them a lot). They also get on well as they tend to share special interests between them (they talk endlessly about Minecraft every meal time for years).

They are easier at home where they are comfortable, my difficulties set in when we are out, my son tends to shutdown and has to be allowed to do things like push the trolley, no matter how heavy, and my daughter clings to me even at 9, unless it's a quiet area and she's comfortable. I had last Friday off, and I took them out for a few things, library, pick up some clothing they needed and a few things from the shops. I can handle their needs at the time, but I get so exhausted, my husband has to put them to bed as I'm done in after cooking dinner too, and in bed before them. I also slept in the morning after (Saturday), I've never slept that long in decades. My daughter's meltdowns are also really hard, the screaming it's hard to sensitive ears. 

I think I'm doing good but it's been a long long learning process of what works for each child, and I haven't always got it right at the time, but I do try and figure out a better approach and it helps.

That’s great that it sounds like your kids get along well. Mine don’t lol. My eldest (who is diagnosed) wants endless alone time while the younger needs constant attention, so they’re always at each others’ throats.

Otherwise it sounds like my kids aren’t so different from yours. The younger has to be involved in everything (like your example with the shopping cart) and the eldest has very loud, explosive meltdowns.