I always thought she was different but who decides what different means? Aren't we all?
Maybe because I accepted her and understood her and not try to change her or make her be like someone else.
Im happy for her she has the label she really needed but I m not sure I can relate to it. Or accept it even.
It feels like since puberty, she has changed and I put it into hormonal changes. Now she is labelled. I've always hated label. They don't tell us who we are, they just help other people placing us on a pattern and expect to follow.
I am sad, angry, disappointed (at myself, my child's insisting to go through the diagnose, my xhusband who took her)
I'm relieved for her as she wanted to know. She needed the label.
I'm in pain.
I love her to bits
It is hard to love her
It is hard to be a good mother to her
I'm struggling with the mixed of emotions I have.
My initial thoughts before diagnosis is - she will grow out of her challenges and will be fine. I had challenges when I was her age. I had some similar challenges but I got through them with age and wisdom and biological changes (hormones play a role for any woman).
We are all different and all have different needs. We learn to navigate our lives with what we have and what we encounter in life.
I thought she'd learn her way and find it. No big orchestra about it. Just time, hormones change and experience in life.
I failed to listen to her and I failed to answer her needs.
Really rubbish mum.
Now I would like to apologize to her and let my ego aside.
Pain and sadness is all I can see.
Trying to find compassion for myself and for her.