Published on 12, July, 2020
hi
does anyone know how to discipline a asd child? my 4 year old son is very hyperactive and quick to aggression. so as you can imagine he is very easily upset and quick to have a meltdown. i am trying to catch it before he has a meltdown but it can be so quick it can be impossible to stop. i know his triggers but can not always eliminate them for example like his little sister crying. i generally use timeout for any hitting but when he gets worked up i know he finds it hard to not hit. also if i did put him on timeout when having a meltdown it would just esculate the problem. at the moment when he has a meltdown i first do what i can to calm him down and feel better. but when he is then calm what do i do to then get him to realise that he can't hurt people? he is also so heavyhanded when playing and doesn't realise he is hurting other children. i don't know what to do. i don't want him to hurt people and lose friends as he is already saying to me he's noticed he's different to other people, losing friends would make it harder for him.
Stop trying to discipline your childs Autism. Thats child abuse. Its analogous to you being punished for instinctively answering a smile with your own; its a hardwired reflex. When he has a meltdown, he needs comfort and reassurance not punishment. Calm him, then when he is able to return to reason, explain that the hitting is a problem, that he needs to try not to. This will be very difficult for him, and may take years or prove impossible.
I know I have expressed myself strongly in this thread, thats because its important. I do however believe you to be a good parent, Ive read your other posts and know your trying to help your son. But punishing autistic behavour is unacceptable.
You say you know his triggers, but do you know them all? And are you even aware of the contributory stressors that push him towards the edge of his tolerance envolope without provoking an overt reaction? He needs ways to remove accumulated stress before more builds, and doesn't have any. I use sporting violence and canabis, you need to discover what works for him.
You also need to do a better job protecting him from these stressors and further teach him how to defend himself better. For example, if his sister's crying sounds like a sonic weapon, teach him to leave the area or put on headphones.
Meltdown avoidance is possible, meltdown control is not.