Published on 12, July, 2020
hi
does anyone know how to discipline a asd child? my 4 year old son is very hyperactive and quick to aggression. so as you can imagine he is very easily upset and quick to have a meltdown. i am trying to catch it before he has a meltdown but it can be so quick it can be impossible to stop. i know his triggers but can not always eliminate them for example like his little sister crying. i generally use timeout for any hitting but when he gets worked up i know he finds it hard to not hit. also if i did put him on timeout when having a meltdown it would just esculate the problem. at the moment when he has a meltdown i first do what i can to calm him down and feel better. but when he is then calm what do i do to then get him to realise that he can't hurt people? he is also so heavyhanded when playing and doesn't realise he is hurting other children. i don't know what to do. i don't want him to hurt people and lose friends as he is already saying to me he's noticed he's different to other people, losing friends would make it harder for him.
You need to acquire a better understanding why he hits. If he is experiencing sensory overload or other build up of stress, and at 4 cannot explain how he feels, hitting may be his only means of conveying the level of distress. Therefore reprimanding him after the event is not going to make much sense to him. What else is he supposed to do?
You say you are "trying to catch it before he has a meltdown" - this sounds like pre-emptive punishment.
Meltdowns aren't simply bad behaviour. They are a response to a build up of stress. You have probably had bad days when everything seems to go wrong and you reach a point where your only resort is to express anger, rage and frustration. Your son reaches that point several times a day.
He may be unable to filter out stress factors, and may be experiencing environmental stresses you couldn't possibly imagine. For example his sister crying may sound to him a great deal louder and more stressful than it sounds to you.
His being heavyhanded in play may involve motor control issues as well as difficulty assimilating feedback from others about the level of play, especially if he experices friendly touching as much more painful or stressful.
You need to read up about environmental issues and sensory overload. I appreciate this isn't easy as it isn't adequately explained in triad based guidebooks (note to NAS).