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Partner with autism - are these things normal?!

Sarah Mann

I have been with my partner for a year and he scores highly on the autism spectrum but I have no experience of it and am confused if he is making excuses for his behaviour. I try to tell him that I'm unhappy but he seems to think that I'm joking or being dramatic. 

He is very childish when faced with conflict or something he doesn't want to hear and often becomes aggressive and threatens to break things if I don't stop. He has no responsibility when it comes to money and makes me turn into a nag as I am constantly asking him to put things in the bin, not speed in the car, not turn the music up loudly etc etc. he does the same things everyday when all I want is a law abiding, peaceful life!  Sometimes it feels like he has bipolar or something similar as he becomes manic quickly. He has nearly walked out of his job many times and doesn't seem to understand that some of the stuff he says is completely out of order (one of the first times he met my mum he told her that my brother was extremely boring!) 

He lied about a lot of things when we first got together and only owned up when I asked him directly about these things. 

I dont know if I should cut him slack because of his autism or if he's actually a bad partner. I am deeply in love with him but something needs to change as I just can't handle the stress that he seems to enjoy in our relationship. 

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Firstly i hope you haven't used your real name in posting this?

    your partner does sound quite autistic! does he know? Is he trying to deal with it constructively?

    People with ASD can get misdiagnosed with bipolar as we get highs and lows due to having insights into things followed by severe disappointment when we fail to communicate with people and get our ideas into practice. It just looks like bipolar but isn't the same as classic bipolar! I can post a link on this if you are interested.

    you don't have to turn into a nag! This will really get on his nerves and wind him up so please desist. We don't react well with being told what to do, it is much better to give us choices and let us work things out.

    His social disability will lead him into saying the wrong things and walking out of jobs etc. he really needs to understand his problem and then deal with it calmly and rationally.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Firstly i hope you haven't used your real name in posting this?

    your partner does sound quite autistic! does he know? Is he trying to deal with it constructively?

    People with ASD can get misdiagnosed with bipolar as we get highs and lows due to having insights into things followed by severe disappointment when we fail to communicate with people and get our ideas into practice. It just looks like bipolar but isn't the same as classic bipolar! I can post a link on this if you are interested.

    you don't have to turn into a nag! This will really get on his nerves and wind him up so please desist. We don't react well with being told what to do, it is much better to give us choices and let us work things out.

    His social disability will lead him into saying the wrong things and walking out of jobs etc. he really needs to understand his problem and then deal with it calmly and rationally.

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