when to help in shut down or to leave for adult

If you are speaking and expecting a response it is probably too often as you are adding more load. You can probably judge by what reaction you get.

Be careful that she doesn't have sone expectation of needing to do something, as this adds demand and internalises pressure. 

Every 3 or 4 hours would be fine. If you can't speak it is probably because you've run out of CPU. You can hear, but you can't respond, partly because you don't know what he answer is and can't work it out. For me it is a threat response, you freeze, fawn or flee. I have only been unable to talk in one burnout years ago.

If you are having trouble communicating it may be easier to ask something first thing, then wait for an answer later or the next day. I might be easier to write it down and leave a pen and paper. But if it is a loaded question it may be hard to answer.

It might be worth looking for and source of overwhelm, such as bright lights. Some sort of sound can help, such as a fan, or the radio on quietly (I have read talking is easier than music).

Hi, thanks for your feedback.
all i do is go lay down on the bed ans say hello and that i love her. sometime i ask how are you. 
thats it, if she is non respnding i leave so i am in there may be 2 minutes max if non responding  

Hi, thanks for your feedback.
all i do is go lay down on the bed ans say hello and that i love her. sometime i ask how are you. 
thats it, if she is non respnding i leave so i am in there may be 2 minutes max if non responding