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Getting a child to engage with help for repetitive behaviours

Raitch

Hi all - I’m new here and hoping for some ideas. Our daughter is nearly 13 and was diagnosed in August. For nearly a year now she’s been developing ritualistic behaviours like tapping in 3s and switching devices on and off over again. Lately we can barely get in a room behind her because she’s tapping the door handle for ages on both sides.

CAMHS mental health finally got back to us with an appointment for her but we don’t know how to broach it with her, because it feels like the rituals are a lifeline to her. How can we bring up this appointment when she’s so nervous about talking to professionals and doesn’t seem to see this as an issue? She’s very shouty at the moment when she feels defensive.

All ideas gratefully received - thank you!

Parents

  • When you describe this behaviour what is it that you mean when you say that you can’t get into a room because she is tapping the handle? (I’m imaging she’s standing on the other side of the door just tapping with her finger like a drumming sound- but maybe I’m getting the interpretation wrong as that wouldn’t keep you out of a room) 

    I think I’m super lucky as a child I had fantastic parents who thought I was entertaining rather than a mental health problem…. The only problem I remember my mum reporting to me is that I used to scrape the soap all over the bathroom habitually - nobody reported me to mental health they just thought I was interesting. I did learn growing up not to do this any more but was supported  in a positive way that I felt confident to achieve my dreams in the future. It’s difficult because if you start labelling someone then they will likely fall into becoming a self fulfilling prophecy rather than a person who can achieve things despite being interesting… you can unfortunately create negative cycles. So I guess it depends how severe the behaviour is.

    i would say be patient she sounds like you love her very much but have to stand idly waiting for her. I don’t know how to offer any way to change this behaviour …. Maybe It is something she will grow out of in the next year…. Maybe distract her by changing the routine over the way you all live and move out of rooms as a group with something new…. Give her a challenge and send her to bed / the kitchen etc without you and say can you get us this or that and then follow her up later on / 5 minutes later whilst giving her first the time for independence and time also maybe to see if she breaks the habit after a while 

    sometimes I just wonder how different behaviour is at times with something like (tapping 3 times - not specific, it’s a general thought I’ve had about a few things)  to somebody who for example is chain smoking / or even regular smoking …. Most people would dismiss the chain smoking as average behaviour when actually there’s probably a lot of psychological problems attached to it - yet it’s a massively wide spread problem 

Reply

  • When you describe this behaviour what is it that you mean when you say that you can’t get into a room because she is tapping the handle? (I’m imaging she’s standing on the other side of the door just tapping with her finger like a drumming sound- but maybe I’m getting the interpretation wrong as that wouldn’t keep you out of a room) 

    I think I’m super lucky as a child I had fantastic parents who thought I was entertaining rather than a mental health problem…. The only problem I remember my mum reporting to me is that I used to scrape the soap all over the bathroom habitually - nobody reported me to mental health they just thought I was interesting. I did learn growing up not to do this any more but was supported  in a positive way that I felt confident to achieve my dreams in the future. It’s difficult because if you start labelling someone then they will likely fall into becoming a self fulfilling prophecy rather than a person who can achieve things despite being interesting… you can unfortunately create negative cycles. So I guess it depends how severe the behaviour is.

    i would say be patient she sounds like you love her very much but have to stand idly waiting for her. I don’t know how to offer any way to change this behaviour …. Maybe It is something she will grow out of in the next year…. Maybe distract her by changing the routine over the way you all live and move out of rooms as a group with something new…. Give her a challenge and send her to bed / the kitchen etc without you and say can you get us this or that and then follow her up later on / 5 minutes later whilst giving her first the time for independence and time also maybe to see if she breaks the habit after a while 

    sometimes I just wonder how different behaviour is at times with something like (tapping 3 times - not specific, it’s a general thought I’ve had about a few things)  to somebody who for example is chain smoking / or even regular smoking …. Most people would dismiss the chain smoking as average behaviour when actually there’s probably a lot of psychological problems attached to it - yet it’s a massively wide spread problem 

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