Any insight welcome! Child grabbing other children at school.

Looking for any suggestions or insights anyone could give me to help me, help my son. He is ks1, autistic with EHCP and a 1:1 in a mainstream school. He is a big sensory seeker.

There’s an ongoing issue with “grabbing” specific other children. They are the smaller children in his class. I wish I could be in school with him to see the full picture of why this happens. I don’t understand what the motivation is or what he is trying to do when he grabs. School have said he doesn’t hurt them but has periods where he won’t leave them alone. 

He has always wanted to be a baby, talks most nights about wanting to get smaller etc, so I’m not sure if it’s a jealousy type thing. He is verbal but not conversational so I can’t just ask him. He did however tell me that he doesn’t like these specific children. 

We have been trying to manage this on and off behaviour for so long now. At the start of term it’s always the same, getting pulled for chats with teachers etc. I really welcome any ideas on how to help my son understand his behaviour is not okay because it is affecting his life so much and he hates to be in “trouble”.

At home and out and about he doesn’t do this at all. If we are at a playground or softplay if he touches another child (playing, I’ve never seen him hurt anyone) he will look back at me and all I have to do is shake my head and he immediately stops. From what school have said, he doesn’t listen to them at all and won’t stop.

The fact he looks at me and stops, tells me he does know this is wrong or at least is unsure. Also if he is playing alongside other children, he often will look at me like he’s checking if what he’s doing is okay. I give him a thumbs up and he’s happy and carries on.

Literally welcome anyone’s experience or opinions on how I can help the situation.

Thanks for reading

Parents
  • Good morning from America Hira!

    Autistic father with an Autistic daughter (age 7) here. Sorry if I’m not much help, because TLDR is give it time, he might grow out of it.

    It sounds like you and the school are doing everything right: Applying continual pressure for him to stop. Keep an open discussion with him about it and it might go away in time. Since he is not doing it outside of school, that at least shows that he is aware that it is inappropriate behavior. My thought is that since school is a more stressful environment than home, the additional stressors might be causing him to not think about how it is inappropriate as much.

    I’m glad to hear that he has a 1:1 aide, I’m sure that is very helpful. My daughter has one too and it has completely changed her involvement in school for the better. It’s also good to hear that you have enough trust built with your son that he looks to you for help when socializing with other kids. All things considered, it sounds as though your son is in a nurturing, positive environment.

    I’ve had a few behaviors my daughter has grown out of just by applying continual pressure. For example, she struggled with pica for much of her toddlerhood and it took lots of discussions, pajamas with mittens, and a rail guard to keep her from eating her crib. Sometimes dangerous behavior just takes a lot of discussion over time to break out of.

    I’m wishing you and your family the best.

Reply
  • Good morning from America Hira!

    Autistic father with an Autistic daughter (age 7) here. Sorry if I’m not much help, because TLDR is give it time, he might grow out of it.

    It sounds like you and the school are doing everything right: Applying continual pressure for him to stop. Keep an open discussion with him about it and it might go away in time. Since he is not doing it outside of school, that at least shows that he is aware that it is inappropriate behavior. My thought is that since school is a more stressful environment than home, the additional stressors might be causing him to not think about how it is inappropriate as much.

    I’m glad to hear that he has a 1:1 aide, I’m sure that is very helpful. My daughter has one too and it has completely changed her involvement in school for the better. It’s also good to hear that you have enough trust built with your son that he looks to you for help when socializing with other kids. All things considered, it sounds as though your son is in a nurturing, positive environment.

    I’ve had a few behaviors my daughter has grown out of just by applying continual pressure. For example, she struggled with pica for much of her toddlerhood and it took lots of discussions, pajamas with mittens, and a rail guard to keep her from eating her crib. Sometimes dangerous behavior just takes a lot of discussion over time to break out of.

    I’m wishing you and your family the best.

Children
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