• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 69 subscribers
  • Views 77 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Any insight welcome! Child grabbing other children at school.

Hira

Looking for any suggestions or insights anyone could give me to help me, help my son. He is ks1, autistic with EHCP and a 1:1 in a mainstream school. He is a big sensory seeker.

There’s an ongoing issue with “grabbing” specific other children. They are the smaller children in his class. I wish I could be in school with him to see the full picture of why this happens. I don’t understand what the motivation is or what he is trying to do when he grabs. School have said he doesn’t hurt them but has periods where he won’t leave them alone. 

He has always wanted to be a baby, talks most nights about wanting to get smaller etc, so I’m not sure if it’s a jealousy type thing. He is verbal but not conversational so I can’t just ask him. He did however tell me that he doesn’t like these specific children. 

We have been trying to manage this on and off behaviour for so long now. At the start of term it’s always the same, getting pulled for chats with teachers etc. I really welcome any ideas on how to help my son understand his behaviour is not okay because it is affecting his life so much and he hates to be in “trouble”.

At home and out and about he doesn’t do this at all. If we are at a playground or softplay if he touches another child (playing, I’ve never seen him hurt anyone) he will look back at me and all I have to do is shake my head and he immediately stops. From what school have said, he doesn’t listen to them at all and won’t stop.

The fact he looks at me and stops, tells me he does know this is wrong or at least is unsure. Also if he is playing alongside other children, he often will look at me like he’s checking if what he’s doing is okay. I give him a thumbs up and he’s happy and carries on.

Literally welcome anyone’s experience or opinions on how I can help the situation.

Thanks for reading

  • It sounds to me that you know what to do and maybe they need to learn from you. You said you give him a thumbs up. Perhaps he needs a similar reassurance. When my child was at Primary school they had occasional open mornings for about an hour. I found that helpful to see how he was at school. I wonder if the school welcome parents coming in to help. If you offered to do this, maybe even occasionally, you may be able to use this to show them how you do it.

  • Hi, many autistic children do want to interact with others, be like others, make friends,  but don't know, how to do it. From my own experience I can say, I was like this (currently suspected autism) I didn't grab others children, my behaviour was avoidant, but once I wanted to make friend, one girl was interesting to me. So I'm not sure why I did it, but I grabbed a book and hit her head with it. Then I was amazed, that she started crying and went to complain to the teacher. Then my parents were called to come to school and I was in trouble.  When they told me I've done wrong, I felt physical pain and was very angry at myself, that I've done a wrong thing. Everything had to be done right.

    Maybe he is trying to make friends, but doesn't know how? Does he have any therapy? Has anyone suggested this could be a reason?

  • Good morning from America Hira!

    Autistic father with an Autistic daughter (age 7) here. Sorry if I’m not much help, because TLDR is give it time, he might grow out of it.

    It sounds like you and the school are doing everything right: Applying continual pressure for him to stop. Keep an open discussion with him about it and it might go away in time. Since he is not doing it outside of school, that at least shows that he is aware that it is inappropriate behavior. My thought is that since school is a more stressful environment than home, the additional stressors might be causing him to not think about how it is inappropriate as much.

    I’m glad to hear that he has a 1:1 aide, I’m sure that is very helpful. My daughter has one too and it has completely changed her involvement in school for the better. It’s also good to hear that you have enough trust built with your son that he looks to you for help when socializing with other kids. All things considered, it sounds as though your son is in a nurturing, positive environment.

    I’ve had a few behaviors my daughter has grown out of just by applying continual pressure. For example, she struggled with pica for much of her toddlerhood and it took lots of discussions, pajamas with mittens, and a rail guard to keep her from eating her crib. Sometimes dangerous behavior just takes a lot of discussion over time to break out of.

    I’m wishing you and your family the best.