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Late diagnosed autistic ADHD’er seeking support over parenting

russellasmith

Help! I feel stuck and am unsure where to turn.

I am a father to 2 beautiful, amazing boys (one of which has a diagnosis of autism) and I myself was diagnosed with ADHD and autism in 2024. I absolutely worship the ground that my boys walk on and love them to bits, but I never knew just how tough being a parent would be and how overstimulated, overstretched and exhausted I could get.

I had always known that I was a bit different to the norm, but probably spent most of my life trying to keep up, blend in and people please. I went through life carrying such a simplistic view of autism and ADHD, so had no clue that all that time, I was neurodivergent. However, I guess the demands of parenthood have shone a light on my sensory challenges (in addition to some unprocessed trauma) and highlighted just how difficult it really can be - especially when you don’t have the support of family close by.

If anyone else here has faced this too and is happy to help me to access some support to be the best I can be for me and my boys, that’d be really appreciated!

Much love.

R

Parents

  • Good morning from America! I’m an Autistic/ADHD father of two daughters, one also Autistic/ADHD.

    I can totally understand what you are talking about. I’ve had the overwhelm, often. So a few things I can comment on:

    1. My girls are 7 (C, with Autism) and 4 (R, thought to be NT). It has gotten a little better as they grow. C is aware that she has Autism/ADHD and she has been working hard on functioning through that. Our biggest struggle right now is C cannot handle when R pesters her, but otherwise things have improved since she was younger. She no longer has pica and her tantrums have been more manageable, so a lot has improved as she has aged. Hopefully that gives you a little assurance that some things might get better?

    2. As  noted well, it is really important to prioritize your own needs. This may mean that sometimes you have to help yourself before you are able to help your children. I feel as though this requires you to work well with your partner or other support system to ensure that you have ample time to rest and recover. Easier said than done, I know, but your mental health is important for both yours and your children’s sake.

    3. Ah, I see you say you don’t have family close by. That does complicate things a bit. Again, I’m not sure if you have a partner or not, but that has been pretty crucial for me to work well alongside my wife. Maybe you could leverage help from neighbors? It was hard for me (I am awful at socializing), but I recently reached out to my younger neighbors to let them know that I can help them and they gave me their numbers too in case I need help. We haven’t needed to use that help yet, but it’s at least comforting to know if we have an emergency one of our trusted neighbors could give assistance.

    If you have any other questions I’m willing to answer as best as I can!

Reply

  • Good morning from America! I’m an Autistic/ADHD father of two daughters, one also Autistic/ADHD.

    I can totally understand what you are talking about. I’ve had the overwhelm, often. So a few things I can comment on:

    1. My girls are 7 (C, with Autism) and 4 (R, thought to be NT). It has gotten a little better as they grow. C is aware that she has Autism/ADHD and she has been working hard on functioning through that. Our biggest struggle right now is C cannot handle when R pesters her, but otherwise things have improved since she was younger. She no longer has pica and her tantrums have been more manageable, so a lot has improved as she has aged. Hopefully that gives you a little assurance that some things might get better?

    2. As  noted well, it is really important to prioritize your own needs. This may mean that sometimes you have to help yourself before you are able to help your children. I feel as though this requires you to work well with your partner or other support system to ensure that you have ample time to rest and recover. Easier said than done, I know, but your mental health is important for both yours and your children’s sake.

    3. Ah, I see you say you don’t have family close by. That does complicate things a bit. Again, I’m not sure if you have a partner or not, but that has been pretty crucial for me to work well alongside my wife. Maybe you could leverage help from neighbors? It was hard for me (I am awful at socializing), but I recently reached out to my younger neighbors to let them know that I can help them and they gave me their numbers too in case I need help. We haven’t needed to use that help yet, but it’s at least comforting to know if we have an emergency one of our trusted neighbors could give assistance.

    If you have any other questions I’m willing to answer as best as I can!

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