This is my first post here. Initially I was going to make a blatant plug for my NAS fund raising bike ride but then thought a word of caution would be better.
Our son, Russell, was always "different", he was the boy who got into trouble, didn't concentrate, struggled to write clearly, did the absolute minimum at school to get by.
He had lots of good friends and his teachers liked him. There was nothing malicious about him. He was branded by some teachers as a lazy, easily distracted, naughty boy.
We went through all of methods to help him to succeed.... My wife once said to an advisor " don't show me another Star Chart or talk about removing privilidges." We'd tried it all.
We went down the ADHD route, some support at school came & went. There was no continuity. Each time a helpful assistant left we went back to square 1.
Russell didn't want to be seen as different he just wanted to get on with his life, obsessively playing computer games till all hours, reading and absorbing info on his specialist subject, physics. He started to shut us out in his late teens, became reclusive, only venturing out of his room for food, at all times of day & night. We tried to talk to him, to help, to guide him but he became aggressive and we feared driving him further away.
He spoke of suicide but refused help. I took him to see his gp about suicide threats. Russell said he was OK, doctor left it at that.
He passed his A levels and started at university last year. After 6 weeks the police called to tell us that he had committed suicide in his uni room.
We don't know why, was it social difficulties, peer pressure, not enough love, not being able to conform. We always told him that great scientists were often abstract and questioning.
Only after speaking to his friends recently did we find how much he loved our time together, camping, cycling, kayaking, climbing and other things we did together. If only we knew at the time.
We now live with "what if's" and unanswered questions.
Please, if you see or hear any suggestion of self harm take it very seriously. We don't know what we could have done differently, we did our best but it wasn't enough. We sought advice but the "experts" let Russell down.
We miss him every day, he was sometimes a pain but you don't always realise what you've got till its gone.
Back to my bike ride..... I hope that the loss of our son is not totally in vain. I'm doing a 100 mile ride for NAS in his memory. I'm sure he'll smile while I struggle along . If you want to donate go to www.just giving.com/markdixoncycling
Thanks for listening.
Mark
