I don’t know how to help my teenager!

This is more of a post to see if anyone else is in or has been in the same situation. My 17 year old son was diagnosed with autism during lockdown. Of course, this was not news to us as a family, more of a ‘certificate of authenticity’ as proof to gain support at school. Despite our best efforts to get support emotionally in school and outside of it, he has always struggled with his diagnosis. We tried, but perhaps we didn’t do enough to support him process these emotions he was feeling (confusion, anger, frustration). 
fast forward 2/3 years and he is now 17, and in his second year at college, and we are experiencing what some might call ‘typical’ teen behaviour in the extreme, but his behaviour, attitude and whole self are having an enormous impact on him and the entire family (not in order of most concerning); his college attendance is 35%, as he refuses to go most days for a variety of reasons; he lies in bed all day; spends 95% of his time on his phone; he is verbally abusive/rude/obnoxious/entitled; his eating habits are absolutely shocking, everything is fried and spicy; he goes out with friends in the evening, not an issue mostly as am glad he leaves the house and has a social circle but I strongly suspect he is using drugs. His mental health is at an all time low-unsurprisingly and we have tried several avenues to get him help, the GP refer to CAMHS, who reject him, the support and counsellors we do find, he attends once or twice and then stops going as doesn’t see the point or doesn’t like them. This is already long so I’ll stop there but there are many, many things that are affecting him and the family is being severely impacted to the point where his younger sister is now seeing a counsellor. Has anyone been through similar or have any thoughts? 

Parents
  • Hi. Just replying to say some similarities here, apart from going out in the evenings and concerns about drugs. He spends most of his time in his bedroom. Most local friendships have dwindled since leaving school.  

    My son is 17 and diagnosed the last Friday before lockdown. We thought the lockdowns affected his attending school after as he got used to not attending school and did very little at home. School became a battle and used up a lot of mental ability for us as parents. He tended to be easily led to doing things he thought were exciting.

    Last year he did a college course, but attendance got worse and he did not complete the course. This year we were beginning to feel at a loss as to what he could do and our mental health is not good. Due to him having an EHCP he was able to get help from Youth Services. After the first option not working he is on a second course especially for those who found school difficult. It has not been without issues, but overall it seems to be working better. The main issues we have are because he gets tired as finds it difficult to go to bed before 2 or sometimes later. I wonder if your local Council are able to tell you of any youth services that might be able to help?

Reply
  • Hi. Just replying to say some similarities here, apart from going out in the evenings and concerns about drugs. He spends most of his time in his bedroom. Most local friendships have dwindled since leaving school.  

    My son is 17 and diagnosed the last Friday before lockdown. We thought the lockdowns affected his attending school after as he got used to not attending school and did very little at home. School became a battle and used up a lot of mental ability for us as parents. He tended to be easily led to doing things he thought were exciting.

    Last year he did a college course, but attendance got worse and he did not complete the course. This year we were beginning to feel at a loss as to what he could do and our mental health is not good. Due to him having an EHCP he was able to get help from Youth Services. After the first option not working he is on a second course especially for those who found school difficult. It has not been without issues, but overall it seems to be working better. The main issues we have are because he gets tired as finds it difficult to go to bed before 2 or sometimes later. I wonder if your local Council are able to tell you of any youth services that might be able to help?

Children
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