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Autism & Adhd . 16. Vaping . Weed. Behaviour ! Consequences

Stressedmama

Son is 16 diagnosed with autism and adhd ( medicated for this )

mental health not great after split with long term partner .

seems to be mixing with the wrong crowd

vaping on and off for a year now . 
have just found out that he’s tried an illegal vape which a “ friend “ had which contained weed … twice .

always gives into peer pressure . Doesn’t wanna be different . Wants to fit in. Desperate to make friends ( doesn’t really have many )

should know right from wrong … 

anyways- how do you apply a consequence for such things ??

equally- behaviour hasn’t been great for some time. Irritable, snappy , blames me and dad for everything. Has never reacted well to being told no or not being able to do something . Then is very verbally aggressive and controlling . 

Has an I can do what I please attitude I’m 16 and earn my own money . 

just appears very disrespectful and rude a lot of the time .

things like even if he calls down the stairs and I don’t hear or don’t reply quick enough “ fu@@ you then you *** “ etc 

calls me all sorts ! 

feeling very depressed . We’ve always had a very close relationship but just lately he’s been hiding a lot ie the vapes , beers . 

Parents

  • I think it's important to keep in mind that this can be very normal teenage behaviour. They push boundaries, try risky things and are generally moody.

    Your son will be more vulnerable to this due to his diagnosis.

    I think keeping on educating him is important. Teaching him about the consequences such as health, lack of job, criminal record etc. Also reminding him that you love him no matter what and you are just trying to keep him safe.

    If he has his own money, I'm intrigued what he gets it for and what he is expected to pay for. At 16, if he is throwing back I have my own money I can do what I want, perhaps he should be given the responsibility of paying his own way. I'm not talking full rent etc but for example if you pay his phone bill perhaps he should be expected to do this. Bit of a lesson in no actually you can't just do what you want, he still lives in your house and has things paid for by you so there are certain rules he does need to follow.

    I'd try to avoid any big confrontation over his behaviour. Shouting doesn't work well with teenagers especially those that are neurodiverse

    As far as other consequences go, you know him best. Some kids respond well to being grounded and limitations on their belongings. Others will double down and rebel more.

    It is a very difficult age and there aren't easy answers. Hopefully his brain pathways will settle down soon and he will start to emerge from the teenage rage stage.

Reply

  • I think it's important to keep in mind that this can be very normal teenage behaviour. They push boundaries, try risky things and are generally moody.

    Your son will be more vulnerable to this due to his diagnosis.

    I think keeping on educating him is important. Teaching him about the consequences such as health, lack of job, criminal record etc. Also reminding him that you love him no matter what and you are just trying to keep him safe.

    If he has his own money, I'm intrigued what he gets it for and what he is expected to pay for. At 16, if he is throwing back I have my own money I can do what I want, perhaps he should be given the responsibility of paying his own way. I'm not talking full rent etc but for example if you pay his phone bill perhaps he should be expected to do this. Bit of a lesson in no actually you can't just do what you want, he still lives in your house and has things paid for by you so there are certain rules he does need to follow.

    I'd try to avoid any big confrontation over his behaviour. Shouting doesn't work well with teenagers especially those that are neurodiverse

    As far as other consequences go, you know him best. Some kids respond well to being grounded and limitations on their belongings. Others will double down and rebel more.

    It is a very difficult age and there aren't easy answers. Hopefully his brain pathways will settle down soon and he will start to emerge from the teenage rage stage.

Children
  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    He has a part time job . He does around 10 hours a week. Each month he puts half his pay check into a savings  pot ( navigated and suggested by us really ) and the other half is his to spend as he wishes pretty much . If he wants to learn to drive then he will need savings as we can’t afford to buy a car so that’s essentially what he’s saving for .