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Just looking for a bit of reassurance I think

Aimee14x

Hello everyone,

I'm new here, my 4 (nearly 5) year old son has just been diagnosed today. 

I feel very mixed feelings, it initially felt like a relief when they told, they the experts had seen what we've been dealing with at home and out and about (masks perfectly at school). However now I just feel slightly confused, it's like it's all boiled down to getting this diagnosis and now I have no idea what to do.

As he masks so well at school his current teacher showed no concerns at all ( a pre-school teacher from the same school who has now left agreed with us and filled in the forms, no idea what she put but the experts today agreed with what she said too). The assessors today said school should be able to put things in place to help him as they sense areas he will need help, however how do I go about this. I'm still waiting for the report so will read it all properly before acting. 

I just feel a bit lost and mixed up and no idea where to really go. 

Sorry it's about lengthy, also called them the experts as I can't remember what their job titles were. He is very high functioning and does masks very well in situations so I just want to be able to get him and give him support he actually needs to suit him.

Thank you Blush

Parents

  • Hi - it’s no wonder you’re feeling unsettled - it’s a lot to process. My youngest son was diagnosed as autistic at 10 - then my eldest in his early twenties. It’s good that your son has been diagnosed earlier than my children - as the earlier the diagnosis the sooner you can be sure of getting the right support for him. So this really is a positive. 
    I would just take each day as it comes - and not project too far ahead or have any particular expectations of how things will go. Autistic children are just like any other children in that they often surprise us and as a parent we have to be able to adapt as they change, and think on our feet, and be flexible. Your son is still the same person - diagnosis or not - so on that level the label doesn’t have to change your relationship at all. Labels are important on one level (particularly for getting help at school) but it’s important to not let them ‘get in the way’ in terms of our relationships as a family. 
    My eldest did really well academically at school (he’s now doing a PHD) but struggled in other ways, whereas my youngest did not thrive at school academically or in many other ways either (and he had selective mutism which was the most difficult aspect of his school life). All autistic children will have their own unique challenges and strengths- so keep an open mind and try not to worry too much about the future. With your love, understanding and support he will be ok. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Thank you so much for your message Kate. Me and my husband have said that we will only inform people on a need to know basis that will be able to help and support him as I don't want people to change the way they view him just because or a label. 

    I'm glad we do now have a diagnosis and I'm hopeful the school will support him on ways that meets his needs, I'm planning to wait for his report and go to see the Senco lead to design something that will help him, he's in quite a small school which is lovely but it definitely doesn't have the funding or staff knowledge for children who are there already and have very big struggles. 

    He's a very special little boy and so wonderfully in his own world so I'm keen to help him thrive in that little world of his Blush

  • in reply to Aimee14x

    Sounds good Blush Whilst the majority of families with autistic children do admittedly have to fight sometimes to get the right support for their children (and it can be exhausting) I always think the key is to not let that overshadow the fact that we are so blessed to have our beautiful children and to treasure all those things - including being autistic - that make them so uniquely wonderful and precious. If I could go back in time to when my children were younger I would tell myself not to worry so much - because as loving parents we so want to do the right thing by our children that we can lose sight of the fact that one of the things our children really want is happy, relaxed parents - so don’t forget to take care of yourself too - it’s not selfish - it will benefit the whole family if you do that. x 

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  • in reply to Aimee14x

    Sounds good Blush Whilst the majority of families with autistic children do admittedly have to fight sometimes to get the right support for their children (and it can be exhausting) I always think the key is to not let that overshadow the fact that we are so blessed to have our beautiful children and to treasure all those things - including being autistic - that make them so uniquely wonderful and precious. If I could go back in time to when my children were younger I would tell myself not to worry so much - because as loving parents we so want to do the right thing by our children that we can lose sight of the fact that one of the things our children really want is happy, relaxed parents - so don’t forget to take care of yourself too - it’s not selfish - it will benefit the whole family if you do that. x 

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