Mental health of 20 year old diagnosed daughter

My daughter was diagnosed as autistic in 2017.  She has has many struggles with OCD,(counting) and germ phobia.  School was very difficult, Covid even more so.  College was better but school had left many scars.  She has had endless psychology sessions.  She completed her first year at Uni but by the end her mental health took a dive.  We got her to the GP she is on meds but still not much improvement.  She now sees a hypnotherapist which was showing promising signs however she is really struggling with Uni only 1 week in to second year. Her hypnotherapist has suggested she is assessed for ADHD.  I am at a loss as to where to turn next, do we take to GP - worry is they will just prescribe anti-depressants or refer for further psychiatric assessment, LONG waiting lists!  My husband and I both agree if she needs ADHD assessment we will go private, once again.  Our concern is being taken down another expensive path not knowing if it is the action actually needed.  Any advice?

Parents
  • From my experience and from the experience of my two (now adult) children education (at all stages) can be a minefield for autistic people. There are also cumulative effects of year after year after year of grappling with institutions that are fundamentally unsuited to the needs of autistic people. So our children are dealing with a massive challenge throughout their formative years - and it’s no wonder they reach points where it’s just too much. I don’t think there are any quick or easy answers - but I do think there’s a lot that can help. Everyone is different though - so everything has to be closely tailored to the individual. No one in my family (and we have several autistic people in my family) has had much luck with medication - so my perspective on that is that it’s not a good long term solution for the people I’ve known (and for myself - I’m autistic too). 

    I think we need to look at what we really need to- what really nourishes us and makes us happy - rather than what society expects of us. Does your daughter really want to continue with her degree? That’s the first thing to establish. Is the cost too high in terms of her mental health - or does she feel it’s worth persisting with and trying to find a way through? What does she feel she needs to help her actually enjoy her life again? What is her deepest aspiration in life? 
    Has she tried gentle therapeutic techniques like Mindfulness? Should she like to have a completely different experience such as travel, or volunteering? Or does she feel she needs a period of complete rest and peace to recover? I think ultimately only she can know what feels most right for her at the moment - and it might be that is something that to those around her seems not very productive. Let her follow her instincts, rest, and nourish herself with things she really enjoys, or just doing nothing if that’s what she needs right now. It might be that she just needs a lot of rest - maybe even for months - before she can work out what she wants to do. 

  • Thank you Kate.  We have discussed if she really wants to finish her degree, she wavers either way, confused which way to go.  We have not placed any pressure on her.  My worry that if she comes home and has no focus, that she will fall deeper into the current depression that she is feeling.  She is finding it difficult to make any decisions right now.  I will keep your comments in mind for when I see see this weekend.  Take care

  • If it’s any help: my eldest went to Uni and it was - at times - a great strain on his mental health. At times he was deeply DEEPLY unhappy. He got through it though - at times being physically ill because of the strain it put on him. He doesn’t regret it though. He went on to do an MA and is now doing a PHD - again it’s far from easy but he has no regrets. My youngest son left college during the pandemic and after a brief return he left as he found it was two much for him (both my children - like myself - are autistic). My youngest struggles with OCD and depression and we sometimes thing that the amount of time he spends at home with little to occupy him is not helpful. So whatever decision your daughter makes it might well not be easy - both options can be challenging. Only she can ultimately make this decision. One thing I will say is that my eldest has no regrets about persevering- whereas my youngest son does sometimes feel that he has sacrificed the opportunities that continuing to engage with education might have given him. Ultimately though my youngest’s mental health was suffering beyond what he could cope with - so he had little choice but to leave. It’s such a difficult decision and I really empathise. There’s not enough support for students who are struggling - that’s the real issue in many ways. Good luck x

  • Hi Kate,  Apologies I have not responded until now, turbulent times.  Thank you for sharing your son’s experiences, I found this very helpful.  It’s great that your eldest was able to navigate Uni although I get how difficult he must have found this.  I do hope your youngest is finding his way and has been able to work on his mental health.  You’re right, it’s definitely not easy for them and the available support within these educational institutions are minimal. My daughter is back home at the weekend once more and we will have more time to discuss how she wishes to proceed.  Thank you once again and all the very best for you and your family xx

  • *too* much for him - i meant to write! 

Reply Children
  • Hi Kate,  Apologies I have not responded until now, turbulent times.  Thank you for sharing your son’s experiences, I found this very helpful.  It’s great that your eldest was able to navigate Uni although I get how difficult he must have found this.  I do hope your youngest is finding his way and has been able to work on his mental health.  You’re right, it’s definitely not easy for them and the available support within these educational institutions are minimal. My daughter is back home at the weekend once more and we will have more time to discuss how she wishes to proceed.  Thank you once again and all the very best for you and your family xx