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Confused about socialising 3.5 year old

Tina_85

I've seen lots of articles, information and advice around socialising children with autism. My son is 3.5 and he does attend nursery 5 mornings a week. I try to schedule activities in the afternoons such as supermarket trips, play groups, parks, farms... but for the most part, he does not want to do anything and absolutely does not want to speak to or interact with anyone. Especially other children. The nursery have also informed me that he mostly plays on his own and does not interact with other children and join in with group activities. Some of the problems I've had with play groups is that he doesn't want to sit still in one place or he doesn't understand how to share toys. He also has a speech delay. He will repeat words and sing a lot however. I spoke to the health worker and she told me to keep taking my son out all the time. However, its hard to see him feeling anxious and sometimes just runs back to the car or doesn't even want to get out. Should i force the social outings? Or should i just keep him at home where he is comfortable until he is more verbal? It also takes him a long time to get used to people and places... so often going somewhere new is stressful for him (and me as i hate seeing him upset). He is happiest at home so should i just follow his lead and let him stay at home?

Parents

  • Hi, 

    I'm in a somewhat similar situation. My kid will be 4 in two months and does attend a mainstream kindie five mornings a week (we wanted to extend the hours for at least one full day, but the kindie refused).

    Before he started kindie he'd be trying to join in with other kids at playgrounds (with varied success as was and still is non-verbal), but now would avoid entering playgrounds altogether if other kids are there (I know for a fact he's been bullied).

    I chose not to force social outings for now, so we do our safe options, such as rural quiet playgrounds, wildlife watching (duck feeding) or park/beach play/walks.

    What I was thinking to perhaps try is to find a 'playdate' (start with just one other kid) of similar age and development stage/behaviour/energy level/interests (whichever describes best) and try it out in a neutral safe grounds with some support, maybe some guided play. I haven't gotten any further than the idea yet mainly cause feel a bit of autumnish gloom and need to gather my moral strength to organise it.

    Hope it helps you to bounce ideas suitable to your situation off.

  • in reply to DoraXplora

    Thanks for your reply. I've struggled to find olay dates, even with one child because my son is just not interested in so interacting or engaging. I do see him look at other children but the moment they come near him... he moves away. I wonder if this is because he is non verbal and doesn't understand the social aspect or whether he just prefers his own company 

  • in reply to Tina_85

    To a certain extent I've made some progress a summer ago before we moved and before he went to kindie, slowly building his confidence around more or less same kids at the playground near our old house. Having him just playing next to others and observing what they do was already a success. He'd rarely copy and only certain elements, but he had a decent confidence around others. He'd also watch how I would be interacting with other adults stuck at the same playground. Now it would be the case of starting everything from scratch, seeing who's around here and what can be organised.

    Thinking of which activities can those be, I'd think of some calmer appreciation that doesn't involve much interactions, but would still involve presence of another child and adult, such as visiting a zoo, a museum or a park/forest trail, where things could be looked at together? Probably with an aid of a pushchair or a trolly. Or within a setting of a sen kids group meeting or activity, perhaps, if there are those in your area (maybe Google?) 

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  • in reply to Tina_85

    To a certain extent I've made some progress a summer ago before we moved and before he went to kindie, slowly building his confidence around more or less same kids at the playground near our old house. Having him just playing next to others and observing what they do was already a success. He'd rarely copy and only certain elements, but he had a decent confidence around others. He'd also watch how I would be interacting with other adults stuck at the same playground. Now it would be the case of starting everything from scratch, seeing who's around here and what can be organised.

    Thinking of which activities can those be, I'd think of some calmer appreciation that doesn't involve much interactions, but would still involve presence of another child and adult, such as visiting a zoo, a museum or a park/forest trail, where things could be looked at together? Probably with an aid of a pushchair or a trolly. Or within a setting of a sen kids group meeting or activity, perhaps, if there are those in your area (maybe Google?) 

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