So many problems with 18yr old - at wits end- long post

Hi everyone. I really don't know if anyone can offer any help or advice, I just don't know where to turn at the moment. My son was diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD at 12 yrs old. School was a nightmare, running away, refusing to attend, no friends etc. He was finally placed in a home and hospitals school in year nine and did better there, actually making three friends.

He was unable to attend mainstream college (had a MASSIVE panic attack on the day he was due to start) and has since been on a couple of confidence boosting specialised short courses. He had just started a new year long course with four other aspies when he went out at luchtime with one other lad and got knocked over. He almost died and spent 2 weeks in critical care, then 12 more weeks in hospital with serious head injuries and a broken pelvis.

It's been a hellish 7 months and I had a breakdown. Now on antidepressants. He has brain damage, which has caused problems with memory and cognitive difficulties. His temper is very short and more explosive than before (it was quite bad before the accident) He's been at home with me for 3 months now. His aspergers has returned with a vengance. His social anxiety and hatred of mixing/meeting other people is at an all time high. To make matters worse his sleeping pattern has reversed so he's awake all night and asleep until the afternoon.

I'm on my own with him, (his father hasn't bothered for 10 years). All he wants to do now is sit in his room on his xbox, playing games and talking to his three friends over the xbox chat. He has a support worker twice a week who takes him for walks and plays board games, but he hates them coming (even though he does actually like them) and we have massive rows about this. He doesn't seem to want to help himself get any better and refuses to do anything with me or my brother like cinema or days out. How can I help him? Sorry for such a long post. 

Parents
  • Hey,

    I have read and reread your post. i think the situation is obviously painful. But I have a few questions which may help.

    1: What are your ambitions for him? What is the timescale? What do you fear?

    2: What are his ambitions? What are his timescale? What does he fear?

    It sounds like those two answers will be wildly different. 

    It may be hard, but learning what his ambitions are and helping to achieve them is amazingly uniting and empowering. In my experience,  warring and pressure won't help.

    For example, if his ambition is to complete a certain game. Go talk to to him about it, if his ambition is to complete a series of games, then perhaps discuss why, why those games.

    At the worse case, you have learnt something about him, and documented your own feelings to reflect on / ready for discussion with others.

    hope that comes across as helpful, and not blunt or offensive.

    kind regards. 

    Jamke + Lion

Reply
  • Hey,

    I have read and reread your post. i think the situation is obviously painful. But I have a few questions which may help.

    1: What are your ambitions for him? What is the timescale? What do you fear?

    2: What are his ambitions? What are his timescale? What does he fear?

    It sounds like those two answers will be wildly different. 

    It may be hard, but learning what his ambitions are and helping to achieve them is amazingly uniting and empowering. In my experience,  warring and pressure won't help.

    For example, if his ambition is to complete a certain game. Go talk to to him about it, if his ambition is to complete a series of games, then perhaps discuss why, why those games.

    At the worse case, you have learnt something about him, and documented your own feelings to reflect on / ready for discussion with others.

    hope that comes across as helpful, and not blunt or offensive.

    kind regards. 

    Jamke + Lion

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