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Father not interested in childs diagnosis or how to help

melon

Hi

My son recently got the Aspergers diagnosis. I am reading up and finding out as much as I can about how he is affected, what his needs are and how I can help him. My husband is not!

Despite me asking my husband to do so he has not looked up a single thing about this condition. It seems like he doesn't care about our son or want to help him. He will not discuss the diagnosis with me or anyone else. 

I feel like a single parent right now. 

Any advise or thoughts?

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    It seems to me that a bit of patience and reflection is in order at this point.

    IF (this is a big if) you have Asperger's then you will find it hard to figure out what your partner is thinking. This is a difficulty that is part of the AS package.

    IF (also a big if) your husband has Asperger's then he will find it equally hard to imagine what you think the problem is.

    (Technically this is called problems with "Social Imagination" - the NAS site explains what this is about)

    IF you are both somewhere on the spectrum then you need to be even more thoughtful in how you deal with each other. It sounds as though you are going to have to lead this by setting an example - hopefully your partner will catch up in due course.

    Can you try to "think twice and speak once" (an adaptation of the carpenter's saying of "measure twice and cut once"). Bite your tongue, look for the positives, try and understand what he is thinking. This is also a skill that you will need to develop in dealing with your son. He will benefit from calm, consistent, thoughtful responses. He will not respond well to rash, rushed, impulsive and impetuous actions.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    It seems to me that a bit of patience and reflection is in order at this point.

    IF (this is a big if) you have Asperger's then you will find it hard to figure out what your partner is thinking. This is a difficulty that is part of the AS package.

    IF (also a big if) your husband has Asperger's then he will find it equally hard to imagine what you think the problem is.

    (Technically this is called problems with "Social Imagination" - the NAS site explains what this is about)

    IF you are both somewhere on the spectrum then you need to be even more thoughtful in how you deal with each other. It sounds as though you are going to have to lead this by setting an example - hopefully your partner will catch up in due course.

    Can you try to "think twice and speak once" (an adaptation of the carpenter's saying of "measure twice and cut once"). Bite your tongue, look for the positives, try and understand what he is thinking. This is also a skill that you will need to develop in dealing with your son. He will benefit from calm, consistent, thoughtful responses. He will not respond well to rash, rushed, impulsive and impetuous actions.

Children
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