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school:stay independent or specialist

hellywelly

hi

my 12 year old just diagnosed with Aspergers. He has had an awful year at senior, being bullied, social problems etc...he has no real friends, is referred to as weirdo etc....i have spent the year being treated like a neutotic mother and finally a diagnosis which has finally put the school firmly in its place. Being an independent school they're study support is limited, but they are 'looking into' what else they can provide, but i am not holding out for much.

this week my son did a taster day at an idependent specialist school for HF Autism, Dyslexia, ADHD etc the school is amazing and can offer him therapies at school to help with verbal reasoning ,,social skills and capatilise on his strengths, all good stuff.

when i picked him up he was shrivelled in a corner with high anxiety, he got in the car and said i am not going there, i am not like them...

everything has happened really quickly, he has only just been diagnosed 3 weeks ago, he knows a little, like his brain works slightly differently, he has amazing strengths, but this comes with additional challenges socially etc. initially he thought it was cool to be wired differently,but now he is horrified that he classed as a special needs child (his words)

with only a week left of term, i need to decide which school and my son os refusing to go to the special school. just don't know what to do for the best. he has moved school 3times already and i think he is sick of that too.....any advise would be welcome......tnx

  • Many thanks True Colors

    This is not an easy desicion and like you say will affect his future. My heart is leaning towards the special school. They assesed him during his visit and it was the first report I have actually read, which was spot on, they had identified all his strengths and weaknesses and had a plan to help him, it was very impressivie.

    I think I might ask the school to put me in touch with another parent, perhaps who have been down my road already, my major concern is that he will be highly anxious and fall into depression - thats worse case senerio of course, best is that he finds a friend, that I know would make a massive amount of difference.

    so much more to think about, thank for your advise

  • Many thanks Hotel california , intersting view point. I hadn't considered that the friend issue would still be an issue at the special school. I suppose the parents are likely to be more supportive and equally more understanding which may help facilitate these friendships. I know this will be an issue for some of the parents at his current school and excepect many to be less understanding.

    Leaving him another term would definetly see if it works there, altough to add to the complications, I have a 5 year old starting receiption at state school in september and would prefer not to mess him about either....

    Thanks for your advise, really appreciated

  • It always amazes me that professionals believe that putting special needs children together because they share a diagnosis is a positive move.  My experience has been that the children don't socialise in the true sense of the work.  They may play a game that appeals to them, but once the game is over the relationships trends to breakdown and they go their separate ways.

    My children's friends are limited in number, but they tend too be older or younger than themselves.  It is likely that your child will gravitate more towards the tutors and because they are experienced in working with special needs children, he may feel more at ease with the tutors but less at ease with his peers. 

    If he stays where he is the tutors may become more accommodating of your son's needs, now he is diagnosed and you have more power to insist adjustments be made.

    Transitions are never easy so if the move turns out to be a negative one for him, you have very little options open to you.  Where could you move him if it doesn't work?

    Personally I would work with his current school and fight for change.  Only move him if he continues to be unhappy.