Recently diagnosed 11yr old - did you share diagnosis straight away?

Hi and welcome to the community! 

Whilst I haven't been in your position, I would personally tell my child as soon as possible. For a more informed opinion, you might find the advice in this NAS article helpful - it includes tips on this question from other parents, along with another section on autistic adult and parent experiences of disclosing:

NAS - Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis > When and how should I talk to my child about their diagnosis?  

It's from the After Diagnosis section of the diagnosis hub, which also offers a lot of other useful information. 

You might also find this free NAS service helpful:

NAS - Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline - offers emotional support directly from other parents regarding their autistic children.

I noticed from your profile that you're awaiting assessment yourself. With that in mind, you might also like to check out Autistic Parents UK, whose resources include peer support via both Facebook and Discord, facilitated groups, and one-on-one support:

"Autistic Parents UK CIO was founded in 2020 by Autistic parents seeking connection and support, born from a deep understanding of the unique challenges Autistic individuals face while navigating parenthood. We are the only national, Autistic-led charity offering essential support services, resources, education and a thriving community for Autistic parents."

Facebook - Autistic Parents UK - Peer Support Group

Autistic Parents UK

Finally, perhaps once your son is a little older, he might find these resources helpful. They're designed to support autistic teenagers in understanding what being autistic means to them:

NAS - Resources for autistic teenagers - Know Yourself series

My general opinion on this is the younger the child is, the easier it is for them to get their heads round it and accept so with an 11 year old, I would tell them. If you waited a couple of years he'd have hit the moody teenager stage and it would likely be a harder conversation and you may get the way didn't you tell me backlash.

I also think at age 11 and (I assume if your from UK) being in high school. It helps if he knows if he needs any additional support, time out etc. He has a better understanding of why and staff can have a more open conversation with him if needed.

Having said all that, if you felt you needed a couple of weeks to get your head around the diagnosis and work out how you were going to explain it to him the that'd be fair enough. But I'd definitely go with telling him sooner rather than later though. He will remember the assessment so he knows something has happened anyway and I think it's easier to say you know that person you were talking to last week. Rather than remember 2 years ago when you had to speak to that person - probably not.

That is all just my personal opinion though. You know your son much better than I do.

Thank you damo.

I agree with your assessment of the questioners intent.  Equally, I cannot imagine a more "disinterested" audience to any "declaration of autism" than a truly autistic, 11yr old  boy!  I mean......how the living hell is a truly autistic 11 yr old supposed to "react"/"usefully process" a declaration of "You're autistic" from their parent(s), as defined by some 3rd party?

Accordingly, although my advice is somewhat mis-directed (thanks again to damo).......the essence of the advice holds true.....perhaps with more apposition than I had originally intended?!

 Number, I think the OP is asking about sharing the diagnosis with their Autistic son, not the general public.

My guess is that there's no rush. He may have questions and it may be worthwhile learning a bit about Autism in advance, so you'll be better prepared to answer them.

There is information here on NAS and here's something from Down Under:

• https://reframingautism.org.au/service/i-am-a-parent/
• https://reframingautism.org.au/introduction-to-autism-part-2-next-steps-after-a-childhood-diagnosis/

Fwiw.......

Whether it be regarding yourself, or your off-spring.........my advice (derived from experience,) is to keep your own counsel, unless there is some substantive practical benefit (for you, or your off-spring) by broadcasting "a fact".......as you now understand it.  In my experience = generally, no one cares + "the people that matter to you" would prefer not to be "impositioned" with finding trite "NT phraseology" to pretend otherwise, especially if they think the whole ND "trending" has got out of proportion to their understanding of reality and "reasonableness" in a mixed societal hierarchy.

Perhaps this/my opinion is a little "dark" and is certainly "less-than" bursting with "loud-and-proud-positivity".......but like I say......my advice is derived from experience and an unusually astute observational acuity of human interactivity [to the best of my knowledge and understanding.]

HOWEVER.......please be reassured that, in my opinion, self knowledge (or insight into the lived reality of your off-spring) can be TRULY transformational!  I just don't think we all need to shout our truth at anyone in earshot!

I hope this is a helpful opinion to you, at this time.