• Replies 5 replies
  • Subscribers 72 subscribers
  • Views 338 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Autistic teenage daughter cut me out

Rach

Hi there 

looking for advice and reassurance please no judgement or negative comments. 

my teenage 15 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism in February this year, she had been having a few issues with school and bullying and her behaviour went dramatically downhill she became withdrawn etc and we payed for a private diagnosis. 

I also found out she had been trying self harming in the February, cuts/scratches on her arms. We have been to the GP and she is now waiting for CBT through cahms but the advice I need relates to the fact that she now refuses to talk or communicate to me. 

when I found out she was self harming she was 14 and it was truly awful, and I took her phone and I checked all the websites and apps she had been viewing before returning it because I feared she was being influenced online. 

she simply cannot forgive me for this, it started with her telling me she hates me and wishes I was dead and now she just ignores me and refuses to answer when I try and talk to her. She won’t go out with me anymore and won’t let me drop her at school etc, he dad has to take her. 

we are 5 months in and I’m at my wits end, my mental health is down the toilet. 

does anyone have any advice as to how this could be resolved. How I could get her to talk again? 

I have obviously apologised and explained to her that I had to check she was safe online etc and tried to talk to her etc but nothing works. 

or has anyone experienced this and can tell me there’s a light at the end of the tunnel? 

thanks 

Parents

  • Breach of trust is difficult. I never viewed what my parents said quite the same again after they told me Santa was not real, which might be a bit extreme.

    But black and white thinking doesn't really allow for grey areas. Either it's all true, or it all needs to be checked.

    Your issue is a bit deeper than this though.

    I think you probably want to find, or manufacturer, some things where she needs your help and will need to engage. If she has an obvious problem you could just help solve it. A gift with real depth, not monetary that is shallow, but emotional, might help.This gives you the way to start to build a relationship. She will be very stubborn and resist, but you can leave the door open. It will require patience.

    5 months is not a long time by the way. Time may mean something different when principles are at stake. I don't want to say how long I have gone as an adult after people annoyed me.

    Note, these are just my personal views, if it were me, I may be atypical. At that age I would probably re-engage after 6 months. 

Reply

  • Breach of trust is difficult. I never viewed what my parents said quite the same again after they told me Santa was not real, which might be a bit extreme.

    But black and white thinking doesn't really allow for grey areas. Either it's all true, or it all needs to be checked.

    Your issue is a bit deeper than this though.

    I think you probably want to find, or manufacturer, some things where she needs your help and will need to engage. If she has an obvious problem you could just help solve it. A gift with real depth, not monetary that is shallow, but emotional, might help.This gives you the way to start to build a relationship. She will be very stubborn and resist, but you can leave the door open. It will require patience.

    5 months is not a long time by the way. Time may mean something different when principles are at stake. I don't want to say how long I have gone as an adult after people annoyed me.

    Note, these are just my personal views, if it were me, I may be atypical. At that age I would probably re-engage after 6 months. 

Children
  • in reply to Stuart333

    Stuart, you are not extreme - I remember being adamant that "Father Christmas" (aka Santa) existed when other kids at school said he didn't, then when I went home and asked my parents and was told that he didn't actually exist, I was shocked and unsettled. I also hated being a child and not having control of my life.

    Maybe autistic children have more of a need for truth, justice and being trusted than non autistic kids do?