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Son displaying some autistic traits

VerityFen

Both myself and my husband have noticed some things our 6 year old son does that make us feel he may be autistic. He doesn't display the signs listed on the NHS website and wanted to know what other people thought. Does it sound like neurodivergence or normal 6 year old?

Behaviours:

  • Hates change to routine. We have to explain what's happening before it happens and any changes cause him stress
  • Prefers his own company. He is fine with other children at school but likes to play on his own and sometimes hides or clings to me/his dad in public settings like soft play
  • Has had a couple of instances of emotional issues. He has cried uncontrollably and says he doesn't know why. Both in instances of lots of emotions and/or tiredness
  • Intelligent. Uses language and understands concepts other kids his age don't. 
  • Incredible imagination. He makes up complex worlds and scenarios while playing. He also plays a board game once them makes up his own version of the rules which others struggle to follow
  • Teachers say he is very quiet in class but always does his work. He won't talk unless asked.
  • If taken to a new place with strangers he can withdraw, recently this happened at a christening and he said he didn't want other people to see him and he had under a chair for about half an hour before deciding to play with the other kids

Conversely, he doesn't have problems making eye contact or being social but he is usually on the periphery of his friends when they play. He seems to understand emotions in others. 

Any opinions on this are welcome!

  1. Thanks.
Parents

  • The autism criterion for eye contact is not, 'does not make eye contact'. The diagnostic manuals refer to, 'abnormalities in eye contact', this can be too much eye contact as well as too little. It can also be that an autistic individual makes a semblance of eye contact, but in reality is looking at some feature near the eyes, like the nose or mouth. Alternatively an autist may just make eye contact consciously, and time making and breaking it, because he or she has learned that doing this makes interactions with other people more productive. Allistic people make eye contact essentially without thinking about it in a conscious manner.

    Autists tend to have problems with cognitive empathy, but often are otherwise empathetic and may have high levels of emotional empathy. In a test, I am diagnosed with ASD, I scored well above the neurotypical average score for overall empathy and emotional empathy, but scored below average on cognitive empathy. Many autistics find the distress of others distresses themselves greatly. They may not respond in ways typical of allistic people, but the empathetic feeling is genuine.

  • in reply to Martin

    I don't know what to do when people are distressed.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    I would tend not to hug or make meaningless 'there-there' noises, but dissect the problem and offer advice. I feel the other person's distress, but react differently from the neurotypical norm.

Reply Children
  • in reply to Stuart333

    I am not the Gestapo, I do not interrogate, I do not dissect people. I listen to what their problem is and then try to offer constructive ideas to help out. What I do not do is hug or stoke the hands of people who I do not know very, very well, as doing that would be highly unpleasant for me. In dire emergency I would and have overcome my reluctance to engage in physical contact with strangers. I once pulled a drowning elderly man out of the sea, it transpired that he had experienced an epileptic fit, while in the water.

  • in reply to Martin

    But people don't want it dissected and solutions offered. They're in distress, they don't want to be interrogated. Even if I think asking questions so i understand their position is showing I care.

    You are supposed to let them say what they want in their own tine. You are there to listen and make the 'right' comments and noises at the right time.

    I'd not offer advise without checking if they want it. Else you just end up with an argument and claims you are unsympathetic.

    It is hard to get right. In practice I might get someone else to help them.